Pinky's Diary

Day 20

Went to the doctors this week for a follow up. She's boosted my dosage of citalopram. I think it's done more for me than I thought it would. It seems a bit early for it to have kicked in properly, so maybe the change is psychological, or the fact we've has sunshine or both! But I've been feeling more like the normal happy me again over the last couple of days.

It's brilliant to have some energy back and a smile on my face. I'm able to enjoy my day. I feel lighter and more free. I'm really looking forward to my trip to London with my best friend in a couple of weeks time. I've been struggling to look forward to anything fun for a while now.

It's good to be feeling better 🙂

Aw Pinky, so delighted you are feeling better. I love the description 'lighter' because that is how I felt when I was on anti-depressants about 15 years ago. After about 6 weeks I just turned around to my husband and said 'I feel lighter and like me again'. It is lovely to have the sun back and even better when you can enjoy it. Keep enjoying your days and I look forward to following your progress.

Many thanks for keeping tabs on me! I'm doing grand, keeping busy as I'm still on annual leave. Been meeting friends and eating and drinking too much and successfully avoiding the housework!

xxxx

Day 32.

​I've made the 1 month hurdle. I want to be proud, I am a little, but cant get too pleased with myself, having been here before. I'm aiming for a year then two. Two years will be my special celebration as I've never managed more than 18 months gf.

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Day 46.

Starting to rack up the days a little now. I'm glad to be feeling so in control.

Had an awesome weekend in London, won the Book of Mormon ticket lottery and got £150 seat for £20. Bargain! And I met Matthew Perry! I miss my mad London trips. I hope to do more again 🙂

At work now, looking forward to a relaxing evening, probably including cheeses 😀

Hi pinky I was just reading through your diary. Good to see how far you have come in 46 days. You seemed very down at the beginning but things seem to be looking up for you. Well done!

Thanks wish. I think the antidepressants helped me over the hurdle. I think depression, albeit mild, contributed to my earlier slips. I feel great at the moment 🙂

Day 53 now 🙂

​had a great bank holiday weekend. Celebrated with family for my mums birthday, which was lovely. Went to a wedding on the Sunday and had wayyy too much prosecco haha!It was great spending time with friends and family. A little reminder of what's truely important in life x

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Hi Pinky, WOW, you have really turned the corner and sound so positive and that is fantastic to see. Keep up the good work, keep busy, keep meeting friends and family and keep drinking the prosecco (in moderation though!).

Thanks for popping by my diary. I am doing fine on the gambling front but my health has been better. I've been keeping a low profile on here as I'm spending lots of time sleeping/resting. However, on a happier note I have money in the bank and I'm no longer 'robbing peter to pay paul' to allow my gambling to continue.

Delighted to be walking this path with you xx

Great to read that you're doing will pinky! : )

Thanks guys xx

Onto day 59. Another lovely weekend. My partner had a gig in Blackpool on Saturday so we made a weekend of it. Had lots of fun on the pleasure beach, both of us acting like over excited children 😀

A bit tired from all the excitement today, but still feeling happy and positive. No gambling urges for aaaages. Brill.

I have a telephone appointment with my gp tomorrow to review the antidepressants and see how I've been getting on.

Loving this fabulous weather! I think I'm going to sit outside the local with a nice bitter shandy after work today 🙂

Pinky, well done on your progress. Loving the thought of a carefree you having fun in Blackpool - nothing beats it. Keep up the good work xx

Day 79

Things are still going well. No gambling urges, although I did toy with the idea of using a 'free bet' following a tv ad for a new site last night. I decided it was much better to not go there!

I'm going to meet my parents for a drink later and my grandparents who are visiting from Canada. It'll be nice to have some family time 🙂

Hope all are well xxx

Day 95

Just checking in while I have a few spare minutes at work. Almost on the triple figures now 🙂

Actually, thinking about it I did have a strangeish experience last week. My partner and I, as we often do went into our local snooker hall to play some pool. He decided to have a break from pool and put a few quid in the slot. He began with 25p a spin and lost about 3/4 quid. The machine was playing with his head. Then totally out of character he put in another fiver, then a ten pound note going up to £1 a spin. I walked off and said I couldn't watch. It reminded me of myself chasing losses and I was worried of how disappointed he'd be if he lost, so I went out for a ciggie.

He came out and found me looking very relieved. He 'won' £30 and declared he'd never do that again. He said he had no idea why he put that much money in. He didn't understand why he'd done it. I pointed out that was a glimpse of what it felt like to be a cg, and how I was in times of compulsive gambling binges. He said he could understand a bit more how easily people get sucked in and become cg's.

That was a little bit of a revelation, and I was happy he saw things from my side briefly and very happy he doesn't want to repeat the experience!

Day 130.

All is well. just a quick check in as I'm about to head off to school/preschool.

Day 143.

Hi all, hope everyone here is okay.

We got a kitten the other day, and she is just precious! My partner named her Sox as she has white paws. I didn't like the name initially, but it's grown on me. I'm full of tiny scratches! Lol.

I can't see there being much chance of me getting gambling urges when I have this cute bundle of joy to distract me!

I'm feeling good at moment. The debts I was swimming in are still going down, and the future I want and strive for looks that much more achievable each day I don't gamble.

Stay strong everyone. If I can do it, anyone can!