The end of it all

Hi Paul. To read your diary, the sadness and hopeless is dripping from it. That is not a criticisim, but just an observation. Something needs to change. Very small tiny things. 1 minute of gratitude for each day. The basics of having enough to eat, a roof over your head, having a job. I am not saying it is easy, this game of gambling sailed me very close yo the edge a few times. Have you tried CBT. It is very good for making changes.....The biggest thing I can tell you is, you cannot change the past, it is gone, all we take from it, are the lessons. But we have to move forward. If you are that un-happy and your not gambling, what have you taken from it....change something, anything. Take care xx

Morning diary x thank you for your post Julie x I am unhappy yes but even more unhappy because when given a second chance to live a life I had not learnt my lesson - do not gamble - and especially do not gamble with what you cannot afford too x the levels I was at are obscene and in my eyes unforgivable x when the truth comes out as it will in the prevailing years I will lose everyone close to me x my loss of my pensions will not be understood by them x I will be ostracised and I will understand their actions. To gamble so heavily and risk so much is ........ utterly disgraceful. As u can see I am a mile away from any form of recovery and if I cannot begin to forgive myself why would others. So the miserable life continues x I get nothing from my daily working life so boring but unable to change at my age. This is a depressing post x but 20 weeks ago I was happy (I had enough funds left to fund my pension and my life) five months later x I am goosed and in a bad position x if u read this I am sorry for the negative aspect to the post but these are my feelings right now.

Morning diary no real improvement in my mental state x no gambling but my financial future still ruined. Not sure where my life will go from here x I enjoyed my life before my losses x now every tenner matters x forever because the gambling losses are never coming back x so I get the jist of this message is I am still in a mess and may always be x so sad after a lifetime of hardwork x tears x

Another Groundhog Day x I am not getting much from my daily grind x the damage to my finances is in my head every waking five minutes x I was tested to see if I could control my money and gambling by some higher force and I failed x so weak x so much I could have done with my life going forward and too have helped others too x as usual at this time of the day I feel bad x back later x

Hi lml,
You really should stop beating yourself up because you will never be able to move on until you do.
If you can't be kind to yourself, who can???
Instead of thinking about your losses and having negative thoughts in a morning you have to consciously think positive thoughts. The first thought being how well you are doing not to have gambled the day before.
It is not easy but we can help ourselves by adopting a different frame of mind. No one can do it for us.
Don't think it's easy for me to say because its not. I find it difficult but I know how much harder I found it when I wasn't prepared to accept what I'd done.
Stop living in misery, even looking outside and seeing beauty that is all around you from a beautiful flower, a graceful bird a majestic tree or an innocent happy child is a positive and costs nothing.
I thought I deserved to be miserable because I'd got myself into this situation but I don't, it just happened, it's just another chapter of my life and we are worthy of happiness. You are allowed to accept what you have done but now look forward to positives in the future. It's the only way.
No way do I want to preach or upset you and I apologise if ansdverantly I have x