Hi
Always had a pull towards slot machines since i was 16. (im now 48). I have a very very good job and salary. Have everything...and a beautiful family
Tend to always have a binge on the machines. Holidays are worst ! Manage my losses from my own account and not in debt but just fed up to be honest. Over the years I will have lost. Recent months have just seen me be excessive and put ridiculous amounts in machines - yes i have won good amounts but then also lost it quickly. The amounts have been scary - I have Never feel at ease when i have money in my account i have won. I also know I do it when im stressed or having a hard time at work which is what it has been like lately
My challenge is my fear - my fear of it just becoming more of an additction than it is now. To the point of it becoming a real problem and affecting my family - The diaries and gamcare have inspired me to admit I need to stop whilst I can. I dont want to risk anything. Yes I can be stupid with my own money (we both have allowances each month into personal accounts) but i dont want this to spread (online etc and just losing all sight of what im doing) - thats my fear so i have started this diary to ensure that attack it now rather than worry later. Its hard to admit i do need to do somthing but i do - chasing money in machines is not right. I dont even get a buzz from winning and the amounts wont change my life at all (£500 jackpots) but feel if i dont act now it could all get out of hand. So here we go...
Ok - so new strategy today whilst i'm out on holiday. Just need to be decsive
Time, Access, Money
Will have the time and access today but the debit card will be staying at the cottage.
Just reflecting that the past few months have been my most intense ever. Work is also challenging and stressful so im sure there is a link. Looking back at my accounts i have been turning over a stupid amount for what is only a £500 jackpot. Madness. The stakes I put in (draw £100 a time to load into the machine) is stupid as the odds are so low compared to the combinations of possible wins on the machine which is so low. Thats what logic tells you in hindsight but...
Hi
Just posted a comment on the Newcomers forum.
It's a fallacy that it's your own money - you're a family man, it's family money.
And it's a fallacy that it just affects you - when you're not there, physically or emotionally because of the gambling or thinking about gambling or its effect on you, those around you are indeed affected.
You can turn things round by blocking your access and getting on going help and support, plenty have and they keep on doing it.
Hope you make better choices going forwards.
CW
I totally agree. I am starring to make choices by committing to this. My problem is I can go months without gambling on machines and then just go mad for a while. This is my worst period and have now had enough so am going to change.
Cynical wife wrote:
It's a fallacy that it's your own money - you're a family man, it's family money.
And it's a fallacy that it just affects you - when you're not there, physically or emotionally because of the gambling or thinking about gambling or its effect on you, those around you are indeed affected.
You can turn things round by blocking your access and getting on going help and support, plenty have and they keep on doing it.
Hope you make better choices going forwards.
CW
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