Will she understand and forgive

You are getting support with people posting on your diary. Just because you dont like the advice being given doesnt make it wrong.

So lets be practical

You tell her in July which is your choice. Can you tell me what other barriers you are intending to utilise once you have told her. I have asked you this twice before which u have failed to answer.

Best wishes

tommy b

I have been reading this entire thread the last 2 days. Are you still gambling?, if so, you are not protecting your girlfriend, you are living a lie. If you intend telling her after the wedding and birthday, which she is so looking forward to, how you can be certain that she will not feel even more cheated by you.

My partner found out about my gambling on 28th December 2017. She was so angry, as we had a great xmas together, which is her favourite time of the year. However she realised I had been keeping this gambling secret from her. She told me we were living a lie on xmas day due to what I had been doing behind her back.

The reality is that your partner will be devastated when you do tell her, she may react the same as mine, and be so angry that you were hiding this gambling problem from her, while pretending everything was fine on her bithday and the wedding. No time will be a good time but telling her will mean your problem is shared. You could get the support you need and the blocks in place.

Your partners birthday and her friends wedding could be better for both of you if you confess and she sees you are really trying to beat this problem. Things improved for me very quickly once I had confessed.

I know everone has already told you this, but the birthday and wedding thing is just an excuse and delaying the inevitable.

All the best

Yes I am still gambling but nothing like I was doing. When I tell her on 3rd July if she is going to support me I am going to suggest that she takes full control off all my finances. Also I have been talking to a gambling Councillor over the phone just but she has agreed to book my frist session face to face on 6th July. She has told me to bring my girlfriend so she has a idea on what is going on.

im sorry i actually believ you love gambling more than your girlfriend if this is the case... get it in your head you will not win and fix everything you will only make things worse. what will you do if early july some family emergency happens with her... you will tell yourself oh ill wait for another month. stop kidding yourself mate. i dont believe you want to stop i think you came on here hoping we would all agree that you setting that date was a good idea... time to get real man... its not a good idea, get help and get it now!!!

Tommy this is support, whether you agree or not. You are using the telling of your addiction to your girlfriend on a specific date as a reason to stop. You are then saying if she doesn't stand by me I'll just carry on. In my own experience confessions have all good intentions but once there is an excuse to gamble you will. My husband probably thought when my son's born, when my daughter's born, when he's ten, when he's 18! Well he's 18 in 9 days, my husband's just done a year gamble free. My cg just couldn't stop, it's routine, it's habit, its addiction. He went from football, to stocks and shares, to any form of sport and then sneaking in the bookies everyday with his £1 for a coffee! You have to admit, surrender, you are beaten. Yes you may be gambling less but it will get bigger, bigger lies bigger debt. If you wanted to stop you would have by now. Stop putting the blame on your girlfriend. Yes you love her, don't want to hurt her. But as said by Tunnie, a gambler loves his gambling more. How much money can you win or lose between now and the 5th of July? How much more time, self respect, damage to your mental health. The panic will set in when the 5th becomes close, one more bet!

I cant stop thinking about your situation tommy it resembles me so much from befor and i just wish i had someone giving me tough love to get it sorted...i have actually come to the conclusion that you might actually be planning on stopping on the 3rd of july and you were hoping we would all have been supportive on here so you could show your girlfriend ...look baby ive been try hard to stop i was even getting advice on this forum...

if you take anything from the advice on here let it be this if you tell her now, yes she will be mad and she may not stay but if you wait and tell her then the chances of her staying will become less and less as your addiction gets more and more.. i got caught out 3 times and the 4th i told her myself that enough was enough and i came out with it to my wife and my family as it was only then I knew that I wanted to stop for ME not anyone else.

until you want to stop for yourself you will never stop just because of your girlfriend...

Sorry to say this but....
To say you're still gambling. ...even just a little cuts you no slack !
Grow some b.a.I.I.s and listen to what us addicts have advised you to do.....only YOU can fight you're addiction.....the 3rd/4th...whatever date you choose to tell her...won't make you suddenly wake up and think....ok today's the day !
You're addiction has beaten you...
And untill you realise that....
You won't change....
I'm one of the "softest" posters on here.....but I can't see anything changing till you wake up and smell the bacon....
Just a thought.....I'm assuming if ....and as an addict I know it's an impossible if....if you managed that miraculously large win to solve all problems.....you would stay quiet !
Otherwise ....why else are you still playing....

tommyb

What can I say, you're still gambling and will continue to do so for the next 2 weeks until you reach 3rd July. Plenty of time there to lose a fortune. Then you will tell your partner on July 3rd, 3 days later you want her to attend counselling with you. She may not be in the right frame of mind to accompany you.

I suspect she will be equally devastated about it all before or after her birthday. My partner will look back at xmas 2017 as the terrible time that my gambling problem was exposed, in spite of us having a great xmas day. I am certain your partner will look back at her birthday of 2018 as the awful time she found out about your gambling problem.

There will never be a good time to confess, it is so tough to do, but you will feel a sense of relief that you are no longer carrying the burden on your own. I can see you have made your mind up about waiting until 3rd July. I hope it works out for you.

Seems to me you want to stop losing rather than stop gambling.

Yes I am still gambling but nothing like I was doing

Tommy, I've been on an off these boards for many years now and I don't remember a thread quite like yours, fair play to you for admitting to still gambling.

Why don't you write that statement above in your girlfriends birthday card? OK, maybe that's a bit much but just write it down, on a piece of paper, write it down and read it over and over. It's right there, the depth and strength of your addiction.

Lethe is absolutely spot on, once again.

As usual thanks for your words but in my head I have got the 3rd july. Can't yous understand this is my first time going through this and it's really killing me. I actually went to confessions tonight and I actually told the prist my problem and I thought I was going to burst into tears. Why can't you see I'm so afraid telling her because I love her so much and I don't want to lose her. For some reason the 3rd july has been in my head for a while and I have decided that's when I'm going to tell her. I can't sleep at night thinking about it... I can't eat.... Nothing and on top off all this I'm best man at the wedding and that is stressing me out too so please if you don't understand where I'm coming from please don't write anything. This is the first time this has happened to me and I don't really get it. All I know is I want to stop as it is ruining my life... My mood... My everything.

And yes I do admit it when I have abit of money to do a bet I am doing it thinking of will win enough money to cover my debts so it won't be as bad but it never happens. I don't want to be like this and I wish I was not but I am

I wish I could wake up and this was all a nightmare buts it's not and what is done is done. I wish I was brave enough to tell her before her birthday but I'm not. Ok

Hi TommyB,

It's not for us, here on the Forums, to tell you what to do, simply for us to offer our heartfelt advice and it's entirely your choice how you respond.

I do appreciate you're in a difficult position that's heading for a 'crunch' date when you're going to talk to your partner about your problem.

You have sought advice far and wide; from Gamcare on the phone, many of us on this thread, your local priest and I dare say from other sources, too.

You've also booked Counselling in the 6th July; these are all positive things.

All I will add is this; if you carry on gambling in the meantime you will just make a bad problem worse. It is unlikely you will win; chasing the big win that will make everything "right again" is unlikely to happen.

In fact, ironically, a big win would be the worst thing to happen to you. That's because you - like me - are a problem gambler. It means we can't stop; we keep gambling till we lose it all, and then lose some more.

The reason why some of the posts in this thread are so heated is because we find it difficult to understand that you're still (willingly) gambling. It's a bit, well, very frustrating for us!

However, that said, we a want a positive outcome for you. But, as I've said, keeping gambling is not helping. Please trust us on this one.

You're all set for "D-Day", 3rd June, as the day you're going to deal with this.

It would be so much better, give you more confidence and add integrity to what you're going to do if you stop gambling now. Adding blocks will help you immensely. Because willpower is often not effective; that's just the way it is..

Your stress levels will lower,because you're not gambling, and your frame of mind will be better.

With this insidious addiction we have the misfortune to share, we all know on these threads, through bitter experience that you've got to stop, and want to stop, else we're stuffed.

We don't want it for us and we don't want it for YOU.

All the best,

Mixer

Thanks and trust me I really do appreciate everyone advice and I will thank you all no matter what the outcome is. I know you all want the best for me but I really don't fully understand everything yet but all I know in my heart is that I want to stop... I need to stop and god willing I will stop.

Thanks for your time