Hey all,
So I guess this is Day 1 of recovery.
I've circled the site a few times and even got as far as setting up counselling (which I couldn't attend due to work commitments in the end). I've never got as far as posting on the forum, but now is the time. I need support and encouragement in my bid to stop gambling forever.
A bit about me - I'm 38, I'm educated, I live with my girlfriend, and I have gambled on and off for most of my life.
I started gambling when I was a kid - nothing big time, just the 2p slots and the coin-pushers. When I was seventeen and at college, I also worked part time in a local supermarket. For reasons that I can't fathom, the supermarket started to issue £2 free tokens for the local arcades on the back of till receipts. Obviously, I took advantage of that! Free tokens in, money out - win/win.
Of course, it wasn't a win/win as that just started the ball rolling faster. I moved up to real cash in pub fruit machines and then eventually onto online roulette. I won a fair bit but it never lasted and overall I obviously ended up in deficit. In my early thirties I was made redundant and received £10,000 in renumeration. One morning I woke up to find that I'd smashed over a grand into online slots/roulette. Even then, I didn't try to get help.
Since then, its been the usual story - stop for a bit, allow myself to justify having a small bet, or a couple of quid in the bandit or a night at the dogs and then go completely overboard and waste money that I can't afford to lose.
Last night I went to the pub with my GF and had a great time. I could feel the gambling itch and though I avoided the bandits in the pub, I still felt it when we got home. GF went to bed and I decided to stay up and watch TV. Cue reinstallation of the mobile casino and over £100 gone before breakfast.
I am currently unemployed having recently given up a teaching career and I cannot afford to lose any more money. I feel absolutely ashamed of myself and guilty to the core that I've now put my GF under more pressure financially.
GF knows - she knew I'd been up to no good as soon as she woke up. She also knows my past history and is being supportive.
So yeah, I'm here. Help me get through this.
DG
Welcome to the forum dg
If you have a read around the general advice is break the time money location triangle
If you don't have one of those you can't gamble
Put steps in place like canceling your debit card. Ordering a new one and getting the gf to scratch the 3 cvc numbers from the back rendering it useless online.
Also handing over financial control to your gf and providing receipts for all spends.
Have you thought of maybe starting the counselling gamcare do 12 free sessions. There is groups like ga that you could attend which will help you all still free.
There's a chat every night on this site where other's go and share story's or just get things off your chest.
When is it you gamble? When your bord etc?
Again welcome
Hey Deano - was reading through some of your posts earlier.
I've already started thinking about the triangle - I'm going to give the Mrs my money and cards when we go out. I'm also going to give her my phone (turned off) when she goes to sleep so that I'm not tempted to stay up and gamble.
I did register for the counselling but couldn't go in the end - It's something I'll consider but I want to start here and see how I get on first.
When do I gamble? When I'm lonely or bored, I guess. The mad thing is that my girlfriend was in the next room last night and I could easily have just gone to bed - decided to stay up on my own and waste money instead. It's madness!
That's the thing it makes us sneaky when we gamble probably part of the rush.
Sounds like you're on the right track if your girlfriend is on board and will be helping you out.
Tbh that's when I gambled when I was alone or bored. Mainly on the weekend when I'm working I never really thought about gambling. So another tip is use up the free time on something like a old hobbie or get yourself a new one maybe
I'm going to start my recovery journal now. I should get back into writing - I'm very good at it. I think part of the issue with gambling is that it allows me to hide from real life and the emptiness that I sometimes feel. Need to fill that void with something positive.
Hi DaveG
And this is where you should firmly be so youve made a great step forward.
I can relate to what you say and gambling is firmly related to troubled issues within your soul.
I hope you can discuss it with people close because honesty amd openness are your main assets in making the addiction history.
Proper blocks must be set up and that even includes mentioning that you are not to be seen near the machines in any pub you use.
With effective blocks the days of healing will rack up. There is NO room for a more casual approach thinking willpower alone will do it...It wont!
Try justifying your actions on paper or in talks...You wont be able to because compulsive gamblers ignore the odds in the biggest mugs and losers game going.
Its not a get it back later scheme so you must focus on the danger and waste of time that it is.
The itch is the addiction and indeed an illness. That will fade away when you finally realise you have been under a form of mind control. It hits people from all walks of life so you are not alone there.
The other thing you need to do is make people close aware about how seriously this addiction works. Again there is no room for thinking its just a bit naughty...It shreds families and relationships for breakfast.
With their increased support its actually a good idea if you are on a sandwich allowance and showing receipts. Certainly cash should be controlled and monitored for the time being while you enjoy proving yourself
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Amazing post and really encouraging. Wish I'd come here sooner.
I'm going to try to support newcomers as much as I'm being supported. It makes a real difference.
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