Hello my name is Wolfgang and I'm a 50 years old addicted gambler

Hi Wolfgang - Welcome to the site and well done for joining us in our combined struggle.

Thank you also for your timely reminder that we must always stay focused - I liken gambling to being a nasty little troll sitting on my shoulder and whispering in my ear - go on!

Reading other's stories here will provide a lot of inspiration and support and I hope will encourage you to really *** it this time. You are fortunate in having the support of your family and that will be an incentive - to show them that you can do it.

Best wishes

Joanna

Hi Joanne,

Thank you and yes I think I can call myself very lucky in having my family and my partner and her family.

What's the real disappointment for me is that I've been to GA groups in Germany and I had a 14 weeks therapy in 2003 and even I've still had a few little fallbacks over the years I got better and better and took controll of my financial life and payed all my debts of in a short time and I felt great. I build up a new nice life and have the most wonderfull partner and family I can think of and took the chance to lose it all again on the bloody slot machines because I fall for the lie I can controll it. I hope this makes any sense to you is still hard for me to put my feelings into English.

Best wishes Wolfgang

Guten Aben Herr Wolfgang 😉

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I was just under 5 years free, then about 3 weeks ago I got drunk and felt I'd 'beaten' it and could stay in control. Guess what? Nope - before that bastad spinning ball even had time to settle in a number I'd not covered, I knew I was hooked again. Thank God I only had a 'relatively' small amount in my bank account to lose. But lose I did. I lost because I couldn't stop. It was like a slow motion car-crash. I knew what I was doing and I could turn the steering wheel to stop and avoid the collision any time I wanted but chose not to. That's the illusion of control I think is so dangerous to us as compulsive gamblers.

Maybe it comes from having big Egos and thinking we can beat the system. Maybe it comes from feeling lonely or bored, or needing a buzz to break us out of mundane ruts. Who knows? It's different for everyone.

However, even though this may sound strange, or like I'm trying to retro-fit my slip to turn it into a positive because that's the only way I can deal with it, but I'm honestly glad I relapsed, because it has reminded me so strongly why I will never go back to how I was in the depths of my addiction.

You are indeed blessed to have a good support network, family and friends. It must feel so good also to have paid down all your debts. Hold on to this feeling next time you feel 'clever' and are tempted to risk all that for a fixed computer graphic that's been designed with the sole purpose of slowly bleeding you dry of your finances (and life-blood).

Each day we don't gamble is a little victory we can build on. Don't underestimate the 'buzz' from building on your success and not giving in. THAT buzz is genuine and real.

Best wishes to you and congratulations on your continued self-awareness and willpower.

Molehole.

Hello Molehole,

Thank you for your supporting words, reading your story was for me like looking in a mirror and somehow I feel the same and my words to my partner was "even I wasn't strong enough to tell you when it started again I'm finally happy that you caught me lying and pulled the truth out of me because it makes me feeling a lot better already" I'm not sure did she really understand what I meant because obviously she was very angry with me at this moment but it was exactly what I really felt.

Wolfgang

I agree - gambling lives in the shadows. When we finally find the courage to drag it out the darkness and subject it to the light of family/friend honesty then it shrivels and dies.

Many wiser people than I talk about the lies and hiding being the worst aspect of our addiction. Sometimes, our own willpower isn't enough, so we lay the breadcrumb trail subconsciously for those we love to discover what we're doing, because ultimately we WANT to be caught, so we can face-up and stop.

You sound like a self-aware and good person Wolfgang, so I believe you will continue to fight and win against the urges that threaten to ruin all your hard work. God knows it's hard sometimes, but we will succeed. (And it''s sure as hell a battle worth fighting.)

My respect to you. M

Thank you Molehole,

I really hope I will be strong enough this time and not just slipping back in my arrogant beeing I certainly can be (self judgement lol)

I will try to get as much contacts as possible here to help myself and maybe to help others to.

You sound a very good person.

And I think you are right if we staying focused and beeing aware that we are wound able we will succeed.

Wolfgang

Hi Wolfgang - I am so pleased you are feeling at home on the site already; I cannot overestimate the immense value of visiting the forums every day if possible to gain inspiration and encouragement from the many wonderful people here. And I see that already you have started to interact with other newcomers - great!

Come and join us in the '2014 Challenge' on the 'Overcoming problem gambling' page - full details are on page 1 of that thread. It's a team effort, led by Mr Brightside who gives an update on our progress each week - it really helps.

Best wishes again for your journey.

Tschuss!

Joanna

Thank you Joanna, I will join the "2014 challenge"

Best wishes

Wolfgang

So glad you will be joining the 2014 Challenge, Wolfgang - I'll look out for you. :o)

Joanna