Hi! my name is Roxi

Hi all, I wish you all well & hope your day will be a good one. Here I am on day 5 today. Thinking about how I feel, well I feel so much more lifted since coming clean to my boyfriend. It is a freeing feeling & a darkness has lifted around me. I still feel angry & remorsful at having another relapse 5 days ago. Lasting a few weeks chasing my loses again!! However I am unable to change that but, I am taking active steps to free myself from this sickening addiction. I seem to always find more sites to join at the time I have compulsive urges to gamble. I then live my life being dishonest & deceitful & end up loosing money I have worked hard for, waiting for that big win! which never comes. If it did though I would carry on gambling, I always do! We will all get better together. Strength in numbers & we can help each other in these posts. My identification with other people's stories have been incredible. I am very grateful to be able to write here. Keep close to this site & get well.
Take care Roxi 🙂

Day 3. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I CANNOT change....courage to change the things i CAN..and wisdom to know the difference.

Sounds easy ...i say it everyday at least once. These posts are a great help to me..great escape

I'm sorry to hear your feeling this way again.
Alot of people seem to struggle with online gambling. Is there preventative measure of blocking if someone goes into the bookies? Blocking? Assist?

Hi all,
I thought I would post again as it has been a while. I hope you are all managing well in your recoveries so far. Today (apart from buying £6 of s***** cards from newsagents last week) I am 21 days gambling free from the demon slots. That is just it! The word free.... I am starting to feel it. I am more interested in people & life in general. Instead of obsessing over my next spin to hell, I am starting to live a little. Breathe & feel more balanced. I am off the hamster wheel! but need to be vigilant & mindful of my addiction. Today I have been for a country ride on the motorbike with my boyfriend & sat in a pub garden in the sun. I have not lied to or hurt anyone. My advice to newcomers here is to read as much as you can on here, get a blocking device (I have Nannynet installed on my smart phone) so any temptation is taken care of. Being honest with my boyfriend initially about my relapse has enabled me to stop acting on my guilt & remorse by gambling. I am out of the vicious circle! It is so important to take life a day at a time if I possibly can. This minimises fear, doubt & uncertainty about the future. Reducing anxiety can help me to live in my world & prevent me from looking for an escape. I feel hopeful & most certainly more uplifted. It is the first spin for me that does the damage & my ticket back to that hamster wheel. All the best to everyone. Take care Roxi x:)

Roxicobain wrote: Hi all, I thought I would post again as it has been a while. I hope you are all managing well in your recoveries so far. Today (apart from buying £6 of s***** cards from newsagents last week) I am 21 days gambling free from the demon slots. That is just it! The word free.... I am starting to feel it. I am more interested in people & life in general. Instead of obsessing over my next spin to hell, I am starting to live a little. Breathe & feel more balanced. I am off the hamster wheel! but need to be vigilant & mindful of my addiction. Today I have been for a country ride on the motorbike with my boyfriend & sat in a pub garden in the sun. I have not lied to or hurt anyone. My advice to newcomers here is to read as much as you can on here, get a blocking device (I have Nannynet installed on my smart phone) so any temptation is taken care of. Being honest with my boyfriend initially about my relapse has enabled me to stop acting on my guilt & remorse by gambling. I am out of the vicious circle! It is so important to take life a day at a time if I possibly can. This minimises fear, doubt & uncertainty about the future. Reducing anxiety can help me to live in my world & prevent me from looking for an escape. I feel hopeful & most certainly more uplifted. It is the first spin for me that does the damage & my ticket back to that hamster wheel. All the best to everyone. Take care Roxi x:)

Congats for staying away from the slots

But buying scratch cards is not a good idea if you won it would trigger the CG inside you to gamble.

Sorry to be blunt but this has happened to me in the past and we CG tend to think alike.

Hi
I absolutely agree thank you. To be gambling free I absolutely understand I must stay away from everything completely. You are right it would be a huge trigger thank you. I wish you well take care Roxi 🙂

I am in a similar position to you, I just love those online slots but after years and years I am starting to realise that I have a serious probelm.

23 days GF. I have banned from all the websites I used. I must admit I have been on looking for others to join but I snapped myself out those moments of madness.

Wishing you well.

Hi BreakingFree
Well done on being 23 days plus GF. That is so amazing. If you remember when looking for new sites to join (as I often have in the past) it will never just be ВЈ20 or £50, you will carry on wagering. I remind myself that I can never win because I can't stop! Be free & carry on living.
Best wishes Roxi 🙂 x

Hi All
Here I am back again after yet another relapse. I am sick & tired of being sick & tired. I always think it will be different this time but, it always only ever gets worse. Betting larger amounts for to satisfy my addiction. I have just lost another large amount of money & I am in a dark place financially, physically & emotionally. I lost my Dad after a long battle to kidney failure. I have been very involved in his care. Learning to do dislysis at home to give him a better quality of life. I spent many hours with him & suddenly there is a void. I have been really sad & I suppose this was the trigger. I really hope by posting on here it may help my recovery & maybe give some hope to others. I want to free my mind & live again. I am having therapy through gamcare which has been really helpful. However I had missed a session as my counsellor was away. I chose to gamble as a way to cope with the feelings I was having. I have learnt that for me gambling is a coping strategy that always results in negative consequences. If I don't like the way I feel I want to change it. I do wish everyone well & am very grateful for this forum as it gives me strength knowing that I am not alone. Thank you Roxi x

Hi Roxi read my diary in recovery section if you get chance cos we are very much battling in the same way. Me too slots online me too sick and tired of being sick and tired nearly 3 weeks for me now. I first joined last year but seriously started a recovery diary here, I relapsed but treated it as a blip so I could move on and admit gambling had beaten me totally and wrote off all the money I lost. So sorry to hear about your Dad I can relate to you saying you used gambling as a coping strategy for me I was absolutely terrified of quitting gambling as it had become my crutch my escape so I didn't have to face feelings but a good friend on here Alan said liken it to learning how to swim and holding onto side eventually letting go (Alan explains it better lol) for me that struck a nerve and I was finally able to face my fear of living without gambling it's crazy cos gambling bought me nothing but heartache yet I was terrified of 'losing' it. After couple relapsed which I learnt more stuff from I finally came out of gambling fog and honestly life is so so much better without it! Yes I get down still and urges or thoughts but the way life has improved so much without it has kept me going. I was suicidal when I first posted and all because of gambling. You can do it Roxi just put that relapse behind you and don't beat yourself up, blocks and more blocks and report your debit card lost and when new one comes get your boyfriend to scratch off the ccv number on the back that helps me loads it makes it lot more difficult. Wishing you all the best hun Lu x