I need help

Good morning. You do have to use it on every device. I'm too on Android and couldn't download it. There are others gamblock, netnanny. Some charge, small price to pay. Otherwise ask your broadband provider. Many will put blocks in place. This only works at home obviously.

Wishing you well.

Good morning.
I will ring sky. I have to ring them about my package anyway. So add to the jobs list for today
Hopefully he leave his laptop.

He also has a dongle, with Internet access, I will ring EE.
When I sent him a txt with the advice line, explained they could self exclude in bookies, and that it can be down in surrounding areas not just ours, I think he was shocked as I generally trust his word but now I'm educating myself he has no where to hide because I'm done chasing.

I don't know what his next move will be. But hopefully he shines through the addict mindset and fights for his family.

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate all your response and hope you continue to help me understand. And well done on fighting the fight too
Today I feel strong. Hopefully it continues

Plus the response I got from the bookies exclusion number was not a negative or positive. It was a general text.
So I'm hoping he wasn't insulted, felt threatened or put off but shocked. Shocked that I know his games that I'm learning from you guys. Shocked I can and will do it all with out him.

Hi Tp12

Gosh - he's running you around in circles isn't he? The good news is that you seem to be financially stable throughout all of this but the bad news is that he is so awkward and verbal abuse is totally unacceptable and you must make sure he does not ruin your self esteem because this gambling problem is not your fault - unfortunately this is what serious gambling does and he will continue to look for cash in the house. He needs to be made aware that although he thinks he is being clever at the moment and keeping the finances in order - months or years down the line of him gambling larger amounts will eventually lead to debt and he is heading for losing everything, property, lovely little family. The gambling is stopping him appreciate all these lovely things, it makes them totally selfish and self absorbed. Probably arguing with him is not the best idea because it just ends up with people storming out and nothing getting done. I would suggest asking your family to babysit the kids one evening and get him over to talk everything over and make a rule that you will listen to each other and there will be no aggressiveness. Get as much information on gambling recovery from Gamcare so that you can put it in front of him.

Good luck

You hit the nail on the head there. He definitely thinks he clever because we've only managed one red letter.

I'm tired. Sick of arguing and totally leaving it up to him. I've my list of to do. And will do that

K9 works with iOS devices.gamblock works on android devices.also available are netnanny and betfilter,some providers may charge but it's worth it.

I would advise you to be clear about what you need to do you protect and reassure yourself financially, which is fine, vital even, and you clearing up his proverbial, which is not fine. He's not a toddler and you're not his mother. I don't doubt that you can do a better job of making sure that he's self excluded. But if you take on the responsibility, then he doesn't. His genuine recovery involves him accepting what he's done and taking on responsibility for clearing up his own mess. It's part of maturity, which addicts have to learn. Better to let him learn it.

Keep the focus on you, not him.

Take care,

CW

Hey CW thank you so much. Honestly it's nice to hear I'm not insane or attention seeking which are his go to!

We haven't spoken regarding anything but me needing more money for bills/shopping as my wages didn't cover in (to his kbowledge) I'm done fighting.

I have rang sky and blocked the certain websites. They advice me this will block any phones on my Internet connection, anyone connected.

I've given him the number and told him he can admit to the person and I don't need to know if he would prefer. I'm not his mum. I've given him the knowledge I have, I've shown him I'm not guna back down.
It's up to him what he does. He again says he hasn't got an issue but maybe he will tell a stranger and pride won't come into it

We haven't spoken in days except about money or txt waring.
I was up at 5 am. He slept on the sofa. Apparently he had to come I because I was banging about and woke him so now he can't work..

What is this ? Honestly I closed doors. I barely moved after making a brew. Ridiculous behaviour.

So confused. Angry. Lost. Upset. Tired myself.

-

Hi Alan.
There is no way is never have a back up plan. I know all my rights resources and options.

They unfortunately are not the options I want. I hope he does take action but it's unlikely. He seems very angry and still quick to blame me for lack of sleep lack of money and lack of earnings.
He may have had a head ache last night Nd unable to work. Or he simply may have had the urge lost and came to blame me in stead of taking responsibility I don't know.

I will sleep soundly knowing my kids are safe and fed. I came second always, which means he does too.
Good luck Alan. I hope you seek help even if a small part of my post helped I wish you and your wife a strong future but please TALK

Hi, again,

I've just read one of your posts where you say something to the effect that as a mum, you come last.

I have tried that path and I don't recommend it. It's inbuilt into us, triggered by guilt, there's a fallacy that it's somehow selfish to put ourselves first or to consider our own needs. No, it's not!!!

There's a quote from Hillel in Ethics of the Fathers which sums up the ideal very neatly: If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? If I am just for myself, what am I? If not now, when?

In other words, when there is decompression in the plane and the oxygen masks come down, you must put your own on first otherwise you can't physically put on your children's or anyone else's.

The extremes are to be avoided. It's essential to look after yourself, to be responsible for yourself, consider your own needs, to be for yourself, but not to the extent that no one else matters. They do matter but you have to look after yourself in order to look after them.

So there are no prizes and probably considerable harm all round in sacrificing yourself. Don't let misplaced guilt tell you otherwise.

Take care,

CW

Hi you, thanks for dropping by & please tell me you had a bite of that scrummy cheesecake while you were visiting? I can't have scoffed the lot bar one crumb I saved Oldham 😉

Thanks for taking the time to read my crazy diary & if nothing else, hopefully you'll realise that the minds of us CG's are very jumbled!

Good to see you around the site 🙂 I hope you are finding strength from posting too? CW is right as usual, yes you have to look after your babies (him included if he puts in the requisite effort) but not @ your own expense! Even when the people that should love us the most falter, there's always love around when you have little ones 🙂

Hey CW and odaat.

Thanks for your replies.
Since my last post, I've harden considerably. Of course I miss him, but he will not see me weak, he will not see me cry.

We spoke on Wednesday night til quite late. He started to feel "stressed".. or realised how much of an impact he has on me, by choosing what he did.

The conclusion as followed.
- he can take gambling or he can leave it.
-he chose to take the money out the safe and spend it, because either way he would have to work long hours. Gamble or not.
-he did consider my feelings but he put the f' money in there so he can spend what he wants.
-it's only money. I shouldn't concern myself because I had 6 years out of work to not worry about money, I got to sit at home
-I stress to much. Bills always get paid.
-we haven't gone with out so what's my issue?
-he knows he has a gambling issue and alway has. But he can stop when he wants. He chose to gamble, because he knew he would have to work alot either way.
-he didn't have to tell me he had done it but he did.

.... to this I said ok, went to bed. The next day I went to work. Thought alot.
Resulting in me realising that he is selfish, gambling or not he feels that he's hard done by, because I had 5/6 years out of work to RAISE our kids before full time education.

We are no were near ok. I don't know if we are a WE anymore. I haven't decided.
I'm physically drained and on iron now as a result.
I bought the shampoo I've been waiting to go in the sale. Bought the makeup I could never afford and bought new things for the house I thought I best not buy coz their not essential.
I will keep our finances separate and if he wants it that way so be it. I will always save. I will always give my babies the best.
I feel strong. I can do this. I will do this if I have to.
Thanks for being awesome. Definitely keep coming back. I know he is an addict even if the word is to impact full for him to admit

Hi Thepartner.

Thanks so much for taking the time to post when you have so much on your plate. It is really helpful to have your perspective.

I dont have any inclination right now to gamble but I have to make some big changes. I do find it hard to open up to my partner. I guess I am used to secrets and keeping things to myself and also clamming up. Sometimes I just don't have the answers.

I do hope your situation resolves itself. I am sure your man doesn't want to be where he is and knows he has let you down. Hopefully you will work through it. But you are being really strong and have all our support.

I will take your advice. Close my eyes, take a deep breath and imagine a better place.