My first post...

@lp5vut869c

Hi Stuart, 

Work / hr have been so so supportive and I'm so glad that I went with my instinct and decided to tell them.  I know I'm some industries you have to be so careful with disclosing because it can be frowned upon, but if your employer care about your wellbeing they will do the right thing and install the software for you.  So my advice, go with your instinct.

We haven't had a date night for a while, so really looking forward to this weekend where we have some nice plans. 

I've bit the bullet and I've paid my bills this morning, and the remainder of my money is on my partners monzo, as you say Stuart it's about accountability.  And instead of having an issue with it, I feel a sense of relief, and control.  Totally the right thing to do. 

Hi Charlie

How did date night go ? Are things moving forward for you both ? Life does get so much better without gambling and in time, as we walk the same path as normal earthlings we wonder why we ever needed to gamble in the first place. 

Hi Stuart, 

Life is good and date night was really lovely although the film was a disappointment (Devil wears Prada 2) but as an avid fan of the 1st film and all the hype it was bound to live up to all the excitement.

Since then we've been out clothes shopping, grocery shopping and some very nice meals out, and all without the anxiety of not having money because I still do.  

2 weeks to the next payday and and I'm still very much in the plus... That's something I've not been able to say in a very long time.

I have been quite poorly and in pain (slipped discs and recent diagnosis of osteo arthritis) so I suppose I've been quite consumed with that.

I returned to work last Tuesday after 3 months off whilst being fully supported by my employers.  And it feels so good to be back at work, doing what I do best and I'm able to fully focus on that.

The message to anyone new, or has fallen down.  It happens, everything happens for a reason, don't blame yourself.  You can pick yourself up and dust yourself off, but need know you must have all the blocks in place, for me it's transferring all my finances to my other half.  So actually I feel in more control now but it's also about accountability. 

There is a life worth living and so much you can get out of it, even with the simple things in life. 

Remember each second saved and every penny saved by not giving to these evil people disguised as gambling operators is a victory. 

Go claim the victory! 

Hi Charlie

Another brilliant post mate and so pleased to hear you are doing well. 

As you describe, the way out of gambling is getting back to a life where you have no need for it. I think you also touch on the fact that gambling has taken you to a point where building back will make you a better person than you ever would have been. 

Keep going my friend and I'm sure you won't ever forget the support your partner has given you. He is a great person 

Hi Stuart,

Thank you, my mum has read my posts and teared up.  And I think that's because she has seen what this evil addiction has done to me first hand.  Literally stripped me of everything, ultimately my soul.

But the old me is coming back, my mum sees it, my partner sees it every day.  My mood has improved like you would not believe, I laugh, I cry, I engage with my nearest and dearest, I'm not distracted and have my head down in a screen looking at endless slots anymore.

Actually, it's interesting because my amount of screen time has reduced so much, I'd probably say its down by about 75%.  Endless screen time is not healty for anyone, just look at our children in society to see how this is becoming a huge problem and certain epidemic down the road.

You said something really nice, but I believe it is true.  I am rebuilding myself as a person, and will be better than the best person I could have been previously.  That has really touched me, but I do believe it rings true.

Two things to say.

One...

I can NEVER afford to be complacent - because the blocks are ESSENTIAL.  It is YOUR protection, its exactly that, PROTECTION FOR YOU AND FOR EVERYONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU, AND THEMSELVES.

Two...

To my partner (you know who you are).  Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU.  I love you so very much, the regret of everything I have done will never leave me.  But, you haven't left me, and stayed firmly by my side despite everything and I love you very much and know you love me.

And to my mum.... I really am sorry, because you have been under financial strain and I definitely have not helped things, and as Stuart says I am rebuilding myself to be an even better person and I do hope that one day I can make you proud.

Hi Charlie

That's so beautiful and yes, it hurts when feelings return but it's good as well, the best and worst thing about recovery is getting those feelings back. People around you will notice like you have said. You are present, not controlling what other people think, I'm sure you, me, now understand that there is one truth and not a thousand lies. It's so much easier just to be honest, truthful and loving. 

Once that's in place why would you want to go back to the fog mate 

Well done and keep going. Progress not perfection 

Thank you Stuart, need a bit of motivation today after a very ahem.. Bad day at work, bit too busy and have to learn to slow down.

Still, bbeans on toast tonight for a nice change as we do normally eat very well.  And a nice glass or two of rjoja. 

Hope life is treating you well! 

I'm good mate, day 176