I have been gambling for a few years now, small deposits to start off with. When i won a large amount in March I spiralled out of control, spent all that I won and more in the months following. My partner needed my bank statements last week for a mortgage, so I had to come clean. I know the gambling has made me feel anxious all the time but I have never felt so sick and ashamed of myself as I did when he found out. Im 7 days gamble free at the moment, although not naive enough to think that its that easy, i hope for my familys sake that I can be strong. Does anyone else feel this worthless? I cant picture a time in the future when the shame will stop eating away at me. I want to stop more than anything, and I am taking steps to help myself beat this, but Im so scared.The worst thing of all is the disappointment I can see in my partners face every time he looks at me.. will that ever go away? I need so much advice as I'm not read to talk to my family about this yet, and worry that I will ever be ready. HELP
Hello Sarah
Well done on seven days gamble free. It is good that you're sharing your thoughts and feelings on the forum, please continue to do so. Please free to call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 for more further support.
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I know the feeling Sarah. I have just re signed up to Gamstop and Gamcare too. I cant resist spending money to get myself out of debt problems my family no nothing about.
P
Hi sarah
firstly you are not alone and you are not worthless. Having to admit to this problem to your partner means that there are no secrets between you and that guilt that you have been carrying can be lifted. You need to be honest with your partner and tell them the extent of the problem and how much debt you owe so that you can decide what that means for purchasing a house and whether you have to wait a few months or maybe longer so that you are in a strong position.
Your partner will probably not trust you financially for a while but you have to be understanding of this and you cannot get defensive if you are questioned because the assumption will be that you will gamble in secret.
Has your partner spoken to you about it since finding out and have they said anything about how they feel? The disappointment will subside as long as the gambling stops and the trust will then rebuild if you feel comfortable and you were worried you were going to relapse give financial control to your partner. This will give them comfort in the knowledge that you cannot make a situation worse.
I don’t know how you gamble or where you gamble but if you gamble online I would suggest signing up to gamstop. This will demonstrate to your partner as well that you are serious It will ban you from most UK sites for gambling if you are gambling elsewhere be a bingo hall or at a bookies or an arcade asked to be banned that will again give your partner comfort you cannot relapse. There is no magic cure many of us have gambled over the years and stopped and started again so being honest and open with your partner is the best way and hope of getting through this. if your partner or you wants to tell the family some people would recommend, some would suggest is better off out in the open so that people don’t inadvertently tempt you but others would keep it private and that is a personal decision.
Read the forums and perhaps join the group chat between I think it’s eight and nine in the evening or one and two in the day he will speak to other gamblers and families of gamblers I get insight and your partner can also join the site as a family stroke friend unequally get advice from other people if that helps. Stay strong Sarah X
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