2017 My Year

Stephen

Your Mum is probably worried sick about you. She may feel she does not know what to say to you or how to help and it looks to you like she is deliberately ignoring you. She may not like your behaviour at the moment but she very likely still loves you to bits and wants you to be happy. It might be worth a try to ask her downstairs to have a cup of tea with you and say you want to confide in her about what you are going through and ask her what her worries are about you. Tell her you you would be so glad to have her support even if it is only to listen. She may well be very scared of what is happening to you. If she refuses then don't lose your cool - just leave it at that. These problems are not just frightening for you Stephen, they terrify the hell out of those of us watching you all suffering so much. Whatever happens keep talking on here as you are starting to make good progress again and attend the GAs so that you do get face-to-face contact with people.

Nicely put Gamparentanon. Stephen, your mum has seen this cycle happen many times, as have some of us, and predictably it has always had the same outcome. Change something this time, you have choices, no one made you blow your money but you. Let this be the last month you're having to walk to work. Surprise your mum, surprise yourself. Check in here daily, if you're feeling fragile say so, don't keep it in. Thanks for acknowledging people care, we do Stephen, and we want you to care just as much. I agree with Gpanon, face-to-face contact is imperative so GA sounds like the ideal option for you. If I'm being completely honest, I'm furious with you for what happened last week and your behaviour after. There aren't many people on here who get the amount of unconditional support that you have had recently, please don't take it for granted.

So what's the plan for this week?

Hi, so glad your ok Stephen was really worried about you. Glad your feeling more positive and you must be able to see how many people are really willing you to succeed and make a better life for yourself. You can do this and people do, you only have to read all the success stories on here to see that. I also feel the face to face contact and a sponsor at GA would be good for you. Take care and speak soon x

feeling good today. Agreed to doing a lot of overtime so that will keep me busy over the next few weeks.

the lads added me to the watsapp group so i can jump in for a chat.

just treating today with a fresh outlook and putting the issues to one side.

Stephen

Keep those positive thoughts going. Being a bit behind the times with technology have not got a clue what a Whatsapp group is or does but it is obviously something you are looking forward to. Keeping busy is good and I reckon your upbeat post will have cheered up a lot of your supporters on here. Have a good week and keep us up to date with things. Take care Stephen.

Great news on the WhatsApp front Stephen!
Reading between the lines you must be good at your job - passing exams, being asked to do overtime and when you said in a previous post that you won't grumble under your breath when someone asks for your help shows that people respect you and your ability at work.
Sounds to me that if you keep the mindset that you have today, give yourself a helping hand by going to GA as you earlier mentioned then you could have the makings of a fantastic future.
Keep talking and maybe give a thought to what gamparentanon said in your post 226.
You can do this!

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Yea its great on the watsapp front. Just to be involved in some of the lads banter again. Asked them whose good to follow on snapchat just to get a convo going. They even talked about a holiday next Sept. So im really happy about that.

Dont have a laptop and my phone is the cheapest smart phone you can get so no skype allaine but its a nice gesture mate.

Feeling positive. I guess thats what makes a compulsive gambler. They get over a huge loss pretty quickly.

Yea the gambling hasnt changed yet Little Miss Lost but my life on work has. It has improved. I use the "fake it till you make it" approach. try and work hard and get along with everyone. I guess it will turn into a good habit.

******** work. Joke of a place.

Im the only person who agrees to overtime on the weekends. The only person. I sit in an office on my own. I was allocated some work that i couldnt do and had no training on. So i pended the work for the Monday for when other people are back in.

Getting sent emails now from my boss asking to explain what i did with the tasks. i wanted to send a one line smart reply. She moves me in work i cant do and then wants an explanation. And she didnt notice the issue either, another person on the team had obviously told her and tried to make me look bad.
So ***** them. Told her i wont do overtime in future. Im only doing the overtime so i can make back some of the money i lose gambling so i wont feel as bad.

and they are only setting me up. Setting me up to look bad. ***** em

Read three diaries/threads and all they concern people who "limit their bets". negotiation with gambling that is called.

If you want to gamble then gamble. Dont try and reason with it on a website thats designed for problem gamblers

Hi Stephen I take it the above comment is referring to me and how my son is doing at the moment. Please have a read of my diary Stephen and maybe you will be able to understand how far my son has came in the past 12 months. I was devastated when I found out and have done everything I can do in the last twelve months to help him. It has been very hard on all concerned I have shed many a tear and been up all night worrying about him and his future. Everyone is entitled to their opinion on this site and everyone is welcomed on this site. Yes in an ideal world I would like my son to be totally gamble free but he has came along way in the last twelve months. I would rather him have the odd bet than be gamble free for a couple of months and then have a massive blow out and have that kind of cycle. Believe me I will never take my eye off my son. I hope you are feeling better yourself Stephen I really do feel for anyone who is going through this nightmare. Best wishes- wcid

Hi Stephen it's me again I've been having a read of your diary, sounds like you've been having a tough time. Being the mam of a CG it upsets me to read how you are feeling as it brings home to me the thoughts my own son could have been feeling as well. I hope you are having some better days, things can get better you know, it doesn't happen overnight but you can get there. Best wishes- wcid

Just wanting you to be careful Stephen. Can you be sure people are setting you up?
If they had told on you, maybe they were put in a position where they had no alternative but to report it hadn't been done.
If you struggled with the job just be honest. It's far better for your boss to know there was a reason for why the work wasn't done than to think you just weren't bothered.
Gambling is a soul destroying addiction. It takes all of our self - esteem, rips it to shreds and leaves us in tatters.
Sometimes people can stick these pieces together and recover from this addiction with the help of family and friends as with WCID's son above.
Sometimes they receive outside help from GA and counselling.
Sometimes people have no one to hand.
There is one thing for certain though, not one person on this site has to do it alone. There is always support available on here. All you have to do is ask.
Try not to retreat back into your shell. It's great you being honest on this site.
Here's to a good day tomorrow x

Stephen

A lot of people on here i.e. Alan, LMLost, WCID/ twink and list goes on - have taken you under their wing because they care and they do not think you are a lost cause and are determined to keep you on the right track. The trick is Stephen, is to train yourself not to kick off or go into a shell as soon as you are confronted with a problem i.e. in the office. I know how that anger can fuel the desire to either drink or gamble to try and forget the problems. But that is a short term fix every time with distressing consequences. Ideally we would like you all to be gamble free immediately but most of the parents and partners on here now know that is not how it works. It is like a rollercoaster and there are setbacks. With support from family watching financesand Gamcare it is possible to get to a stage where someone can maybe put a couple of small bets on a month and leave it at that. It is a case of learning self control/self discipline. In our case at home now things are not totally perfect but like WCID there is more self control/discipline and life is becoming easier for everyone. And some people may need to do it by phasing out the gambling bit by bit until it stops completely. Some people like to take the bull by the horns and stop straightaway and most people try this initially as you can see by the ones that have reached 100s of days. Everyone has their own way to recover. The aim is to stop the payday loans/credit cards/huge overdrafts to fund it, the job losses,the broken families, the terrible anxiety you and others have been facing. So Stephen it is a case of you taking a few days now to take all of the advice from all the posts above on board and get face to face help like the gp or GA. I would love to hear that you have built a better relationship with your family too and make that cup of tea for your Mum or treat her to a Xmas outing, help her get a Xmas tree, decorate it, anything - just see what a difference it might make especially before Xmas. Someone has to make the first move so let it be you. Talk to your boss if you have problems, offer to take extra training, don't throw the overtime away unnecessarily. Don't head for the bookies or pub if you have had a bad day, just go home or to the gym. Take care Stephen - hope the rest of the week goes well. Keep posting to let us know you are OK.

I get that you're in a bad place but isn't it just so much easier to blame everyone else? To focus on what everyone else is doing wrong not on what you need to be doing right? To think about what they're not bothering to do for you and to ignore what you should be doing for them. That way, you don't need to bother changing, you can go right back to where you were.

I hope you don't because it's a whole lot better when you are doing better. But the one thing that you get to choose is what you do, not what everyone else does.

I personally find the negative posts from you hugely frustrating and downright rude. A whole catalogue of people have posted support to you and you throw it back in their face. You can do better.

ODAAT mentioned the Betari box, worth some thought.

CW