50p or 50k

Scotto85g wrote:

Well done on no New gambling. I think the most dangerous thought is that you can win back your losses and beat this in terms of by winning all the money back. I won and others have won their money back but then it either makes them feel like they can actually end up up rather than break even and creates the same situation where you will end up losing again. I wanted to finish up and not only breaking even after all the time I wasted and then look at where it got me. If you are gambling and it’s nothing more than an occasional punt and fun Acca then it’s no problem, if you chase losses and start to suffer from it, you most likely need to 100% stop. I thought I had beaten the bookies, I was so far up...and yet....look at what happened to me and so many others. I have replied to your Post in my diary also. Thanks. All the best. Scott

Hey Sapphira -

Keep going with the abstainence - nice one. Scott talks a lot of sense here re. the difference between gambling for leisure and problem gambling. I worry about your situation because it sounds much like remedial gambling which I haven't experienced or spoke much to people in the same situation. Either way I hope you are able to find something else to do that acts as a healing mechanism for your pain.

One thing I have learnt in GA is that we cannot win as we cannot stop. I'm not sure you're even trying to win anymore are you? Gambling is more a numbing agent in relation to your heartache? Have you sought therapeutic intervention for your loss? I wonder if you will find more solace in an intervention with less risk and more reward. Keep going and continue to show strength.

Can only echo what signalman has just said, I can only hope you find other ways to deal with this than to gamble. As I know you already know, it will only add to the heartache in the long run.

Thank you Scott.

Thank you Signalman.

I am truly impressed by the depth of your knowledge and insight into this gambling thing each of you have. Both of you offer some brilliant advice. Signalman I've never heard of "remedial" gambling before. Yes you are very correct I'm not trying to win anymore, I'm doing it to numb the pain of loss. I dont even enjoy it in the same way anymore. Gambling reminds me of an aggressive bout of 'flu. Somehow you succumb to the virus, it gets into your system and runs amok causing total chaos before burning itself out. Only when it peaks do we realise the level of damage and sheer carnage that's been caused to ourselves and then hopefully we can start to recover I don't know why or how I reached the point of realisation but something has acted as a trigger.

Scott - I understand what you mean there, it's very true. A north west seaside town was practically my 2nd home in my younger years and I'd love the arcades, never slots, just pusher machines but that seemed a fun type of gambling, strictly pleasure. I then got married and moved to this seaside town. I'd often use one arcade as a short cut through to the shops from the prom and I'd see the same people at the same machines with their pale, haggered faces and care-worn expression sitting semi-slumped as if they had the burdens of the world on their shoulders. It definitely didn't look fun for them and I'd feel sorry for them. Fast forward 2 years and after episodes of trying to run through wagering requirements at 3am I too felt pretty well sorry for myself as well.

When you've been gambling a while and then stop the"fog" starts to lift a bit doesn't it? It reminds me of the lyrics to that song ... " I can see clearly now the rain has gone, I can all the obstacles in my way" - and therein lies the problem. I don't want to see the obstacles - But, no new gambling transactions today.

Thank you both for your words of encouragement and support. Peace and serenity to you both.

Sapphira wrote:

" I can see clearly now the rain has gone, I can all the obstacles in my way" - and therein lies the problem. I don't want to see the obstacles - But, no new gambling transactions today.

Lovely sentiment Sapphira. This is pretty much where I'm at right now... Beautifully put. Listen this is where I'm at and it's tough you know but I'd rather be here than still gambling. If I start clearing up a bit of the mess each day over time I can clear a pathway to a better life. You can do the same, I know you can... Like you say it gets worse before it gets better but by continuing to gamble i believe it will only get worse. No brainer really. Look after yourself.

Many thanks for posting on my diary Sapphira. I appreciate your support, encouragement and kind words.

I sincerely hope you can expand your horizons and find joy in more worthwhile pursuits than gambling. It masquerades as a friend but we all know that is a far cry from the truth.

I had mixed emotions reading your diary. You are an intelligent lady, warm and having a good sense of humour but it is clouded by the pain and anguish you are holding on to. Bereavement can have such a devastating effect on one's life and it can be a massive struggle coming to terms with the loss of a loved one. We are all different and grieve in our own unique way but life has to go on. Adventures, happiness and good clean fun are there, waiting to be embraced and enjoyed.

I will leave you with a song by Helen Shapiro from 1962. "Walking Back To Happiness." The opening verse is:

"Funny but it's true

What loneliness can do

Since I've been away

I have loved you more each day"

Hi Saphira, how are you getting along today? I understand what you mean about you don’t want the fog to clear in some ways, I am very sorry for your loss. If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know. Well done on still not gambling. Scott

Thanks for your kind comments Scott.

Today has felt strange to say the least. I gave in and played £300.00 on a couple of slots. Not real money I hasten to add, games in demo play mode only. If it had have been real money I'd have been £50.00 down. I don't know what the thought process was behind my decision to do that. Even though I had come so desperately close to actually depositing today I didn't at anytime wish I was playing for real money. Even when a few big wins came round I felt nothing other than detachment. I wouldn't want to get into that habit really. For today though, it stopped me gambling for real. Maybe demo play was to gambling what nicotine patches are to a smoking addiction. Spent some time on my Bereavement Forum. Kind of decided bereavement is similar to gambling in terms of you lose a part of yourself with each experience. My bearings are shot at and I'm forever over-thinking things. "Thinking", for Grievers AND gamblers is a dangerous thing and not to be recommended. Not told anyone about my excessive gambling, family think I have only ever played with free promo money but with with my elderly frail Mum and the constant bickering between myself and two siblings I think I'd be playing with fire so it's goes unspoken about. But at least again, today I didnt gamble.

Hi Sapphira, been reading through your diary and would like to recommend to you Allen Carr's book The Easy Way to Stop Gambling. I'm not saying it's some sort of magic cure but it helped me more than I could ever have imagined and is definitely worth a read.

Good luck in your recovery.

JW

Thank you for posting on my diary Sapphira. Hope you are feeling good and contented. Life has it's ups and downs naturally, but it can be fun at times.

It pleases me that you have lost no money gambling. You do turn to gambling as an escape mechanism but generally just play "free spins." On the face of it, no harm is done but is there really any point to it and is there not a risk that it could lead you into the gambling nightmare that you will often read about on the diaries.

I sincerely hope you can discover hobbies and pastimes that will arouse your interest, give you pleasure and are more fruitful and worthwhile than just looking at reels spinning round. You are intelligent, articulate and fun and I think you will agree that you are worthy of much more than mindless gambling. Take care my friend...stephen x

Thanks Stephen, warm regards to you.

Yes Sapphira... Oh yes there was a period of abstainence in my life when I played roulette on my phone with play money. My rationale was that this was a sensible way to satisfy my urges without destroying my internal and external worlds in the process...

And you know what... I chalked up a fat profit one week. I was well impressed. Thought I had me a system and everything. Now if only I had employed that system when I was gambling with real money...

Well a year later I did just that and I lost big time. There never was a system was there... Just a seed being planted that sprouted into a massive loss later on. The seed was planted so subtly that I didn't even acknowledge it
being planted at the time.

You could argue that gambling with play money is like a nicotine patch to a smoker but you could also argue that it is like poking a sleeping dog with a knitting needle.

I'm only saying all this because I don't want you to get bitten like I did. It hurts Sapphira ;o)

Anyway keep on keeping on... Hope you're well.

Many thanks Signalman, I dropped by your diary to reply.