A Focal Point - A line a day. Keep the Demons away

Louis,

Thanks for your comment. I have been thinking about it. I really have. The only argument i would have is that i don't intend to lapse and start gambling again. I would prefer to tell her maybe two paydays after not doing it and say this is where i was a few months ago. I went and got help and im on the mend. I would like to show her two months worth of this so she can read and see what i was going through (ie now)

She is a great person and i think she would offer support and not run away but i still want to stand on my own two legs, firmly before i take it to her.

Our Lady - Thanks for your comment. 37 days seems like a long time away from me at the minute so well done for sticking it out. To go 2 and a half years and lapse must have been tough for you to fall back into it, i know the feeling of rock bottom but to undo hard work must have been hard. You seem like a pillar of positivity, and your words give a bit of comfort as i can relate to them. Lets both agree to say a big f U to the establishments and keep our money to ourselves from now on.

Today was a good day, work flew by. Still no resolution for my problem and i only have till Friday to get some money together. Sad when its such a minimal ammount compared to what i earn but an eye opener to show me how many bridges i have burnt over the years. One thing i will say is i always pay my debts, just not always on time. If i stick to my plan, this time next year i will be debt free and have money put aside for the future. I will continue to lean on my mum to control my finances for a good while and even when it does come about to take back the control it will be slowly and in installments.

Touching on one more thing from you Louis - emotions. I like to keep these to myself. Traumatic childhood, operational experience in the armed forces. I find it very difficult to convey how i feel with words. I am asking myself right now and i don't know what to write. The aftermath of gambling certainly make me feel down. It's perhaps another thing i need to work on as well as becoming gamble free.

I hope you both have had a good day today, i am 9 days away from payday. 9 days to keep strengthening my resolve. I will not gamble, i wll pay my dues and buy what i intend to buy and enjoy myself with the rest.

Hi kev

That's great you think you'll tell your OH. Just don't fall into the trap of keep putting it off, then thinking you can 'get away with it'. This is tempting but always ends badly. Gambling thrives on secrecy (shame also thrives on secrecy hence why opening up is healthy).

I think it takes time to open up on here. Just by explaining you find it difficult to open up - is itself opening up. Explore how you feel, there's no right or wrong, no need to talk about stuff you're not comfortable with but know that this forum is anonymous and people might surprise you on here with their support.

Louis

Thanks Louis,

Like i said i have been thinking about the conversation anyway. If i stick to my plan i will be happy to have the chat with her soon enough.

Today i feel relief!! I solved my immediate issues. Nothing dodgy, no payday loans. Just a straight honest conversation with a freind about why i needed the money and a bail me out. I have money in my account. I looked at the balance and i admit i thought about gambling. But no, the pain is still there from my last mistake and now a new feeling of negativity towards gambling. Instead i used the money for what it was intended for and booked some things that needed to be booked.

I am tired from struggling to sleep over the past week or so and work has been intense. I hope to get a good nights sleep tonight and be back to my usual self at work tomorrow. I have 8 little days left to payday. That's 8 more days to keep strengthening my resolve. 8 more days to remind myself at least once a day how much better off i can be wthout it.

One thing i have hated hearing people say before is only you can fix it, only you can help yourself. I hated hearing it because it was coming from people i care about and love and i felt like they should take pity on me for my terrible affliction and they as loved ones had a duty of care to bail me out. It's a good thing it came to the point it did the other week. I will mend relationships soon but for now i will keep focusing on me and on this. I am ready and i have the desire to truly not gamble again.

8 days to go

So my other half is coming to spend the weekend with me and I just about managed to get in a position to do what I need to do. I am a silly lad and it can't happen again. I am going to have a good chat with my mum about how to go about giving me money over the next few months. No more than £20 at a time should work out ok . If I have something big to spend money on then I will arrange it with her but it actually be on my own with the money. 7 days to go till payday. No more mistakes

Positive actions Kev creating those barriers - well done! You're starting to turn things round slowly even though it probably doesn't seem like it.

By not gambling you've dug yourself out of a hole the last few weeks - imagine if you hadn't stopped where would you be? Also, if that's what you can do in a small space of time then imagine how you can turn things around in the long term?

So enjoy your weekend with the other half with a bit of a clearer mind. Cherish the simple things.

i have been quiet on this over the weekend. good time spent with the missus. We went out, had food, did the cinema, went to one of the cities attractions, had a few drinks. Normal stuff. I need to remember how i enjoy that when i think about gambling. If i put the £20 note in the machine its £20 less for us to have a good time. We were looking at holidays today. I need to pay off what i owe from payday, i can put a deposit down and get away and enjoy myself.

5 Days to go. I will speak to the councillor again tomorrow. Loads of stuff planned. Relief that i managed to sort things out for this weekend. Eager not to mess up again.

Well done Kev. Sounds like you have both had a lovely and "normal" - my fav word, weekend together, with hopefully many more to come.

Our Lady

So its been a couple of weeks. I have been to see the councellor, spoke to her on the phone a few times. I just can't see howit will change my mindset.

My mum is being extra vigilant with limiting my access to money and it is working, i still have money and have paid for everything i need to but i have still gambled. I have lost my focus a bit. £20 here and £60 there. Must be down around £230 this month and although thats bad as a pose to the norm which was around £1500 by this point in the month.

The only reason that i am in a better place is down to my mum helping by feeding me my own money back and ive been as open with her as i can sending her reciepts etc when im saying im spending money on things.

Does anyone have any advice on how to change your mindest? I have found myself even playing the slots but on free play versions as i dont have access to money.

change your behaviour and your mind will follow. You can't think yourself to a different mindset. You need to act differently..

As addicts we lose purpose and are stuck in a very narrow, unchallenging, unrewarding world. Consider using a clear framework to live a fulfilling life. GA and the Steps programme is the obvious route which has clear transformative effect.

my framework is ACT =acceptance and commitment therapy. See for example, The Happiness Trap

Louis

No gambling today, i found myself playing free slots instead. Its not a better option as i know if i had full freedom with my finances i would be playing for real. I will have a look at some methods to alter behaviours at the weekend. There must be a way to get over this addiction. GA wasnt for me. Wish there was a simple switch!

Im spiralling out of control, just gambled £100

Why? Im asking myself now and i don't know.

Need to seek further help.