Deleted,no moaning just action to be the best person i can be

,

You can't change the past Rob! Have you been & self excluded?

I can't tell you anything you haven't already been told but I am in your corner willing you to stand up & have the strength to face your demons head on - ODAAT

Hey ty mate
Yeah self excluded last year,
But found a arcade near where i work few weeks ago, ВЈ2 turned into -£200, went back next day with a passport photo to self exclude, and they basically fobbed me off saying it takes 48 hours we need authorisation for self exclusion by our head office, there is loads of paper work etc.

So feeling awfully mugged off,stayed away for a few days then went back and carried on just throwing money away.

Its just such nonsence when I gamble I know no matter what I win I will lose back or i will always want more, my mood, work and study get affected, and I only ever see that once the money is gone, then that gets all forgotton and i start again.

But I have to throw in the towel.
Because if i continue I WILL FAIL MY EXAMS.
I WILL PERFORM BADLY AT WORK.
AND I WILL NEVER HAVE MONEY OR HAPPINESS.

Its only when you hit the bottom so hard, then you can actually rebuild from a solid foundation.

Can ask you something mate? How do you over come the urges?

Also ty for having my back.

I had a very similar experience with one of the dens I used to feed...They said they couldn't exclude me @ the end of a very bad session because I had to have a cooling off period. What a joke...I showed them, I cooled off & then went back & did my r*e again (sigh)! Responsible gambling my rear end, that's down to us @ the end of the day because they have a business to run although I'm not entirely sure how the gambling commission would view their refusal to do it.

To be honest Rob, I don't have them anymore but lottery delusions aside, I accepted long ago that there was no such thing as control in my world. In the words of GA, I admitted I was powerless over gambling & I don't think that is to be underestimated. In the early days, I had the same arguments with myself as when I was feeding my habit but I distracted myself...I remember going up & down, up & down (etc) an escalator once fighting with myself. The feeling I had when I made the right choice wasso powerful. I don't think I told myself 'no', it was always 'not yet'. They're much easier to manage in small chunks. "I'll just go to that shop 1st", or "You can go in 5 minutes" sometimes I just stood still & listened to myself breathing. Someone else (probably Dan) suggested you stop & play the tape through to the end...Win (temporary) or lose (inevitable), we know how it ends.

Draw a line under the losses & see what you have to lose if you continue. You've lost a week or so of study but you've caught up in the past so keep pushing through these early days & keep fighting for the life you are making for yourself. Gambling gives us nothing but pain so chuck that towel in now before it takes any more of your soul!

The elusive cooling off period know it well, seriously it shouldn't even be a thing, its designed that way because most won't go back and fill the form in . Most go back and gamble again. I've done it myself before . Same woman who told me I had to wait was changing my notes 2 days later . Although if you do eventually do it they are the strictest and do uphold the exclusion, a question you asked oddat about controlling the urge I see asked all the time , it's a good question that's difficult to answer . The way I can describe it is similar to when you want to punch someone in the face but you don't you kind of hold it in and the thought passes. Each day the thought of not gambling gets a little easier. Don't look at it as I can't gamble forever although that's the score . Look at it as you won't gamble today and that is all it takes.

Do's and donts do not work with gamblers so I'll not give you any but I'll give you this you me and everybody can do it . You just need to want to stop more than you want to gamble .

Keep posting rob

Deano

Ty for the support my friends,
I loved the urge is like wanting to punch someone in the face but not doing it, that is so so well put sir, if i had a hat i would take it off to you.

I can say I have never been this hungry and thirsty in my life, my house mate offered me some money for food etc, because i told her i had no money for the next 7 days, BUT i said thanks but no thanks but if should would not mind getting me some food shopping and she said she would.
Basically I told her that I had run out because this month I was under paid Which actually is not a lie because I was, but the money I had would have lasted if I had not gone to the arcade those times.
Tomorrow is a new day and it will be day 3

Rob, found this on the favourite posts sticky...

Posted: Sun 16 Jul 2006 19:36:11
How to cope with urges.
For many individuals, the crucial problem is coping with urges. In order to cope well with them, it is usually necessary to understand them accurately, rather than in the distorted manner of many addicts. Some common distortions about urges are that urges are excruciating or unbearable, that they compel you to use or act, that they will drive you crazy if you do not use or act, and that they will not go away until you use or act. Some individuals are confused enough about their own thinking that they have a difficult time identifying distinct urges, and simply think of themselves as behaving a certain way "because I like to."
In actuality, urges can be uncomfortable but they are not unbearable unless you blow them out of proportion; they do not force you to do anything (there have probably been many instances where you had an urge but did not act), they have not driven you crazy yet (and will not), each urge will go away if you simply wait long enough, and there are periods between urges which become increasingly longer if you stop.
Although during the initial days or weeks of abstinence or moderation, especially after a long period of daily addictive behavior, you may experience many urges of strong and even increasing intensity. Recovering addicts of all types report that urges eventually peak in frequency, intensity, and duration, and then gradually, with occasional flare-ups, fade away. How long it will take for urges to peak, and how rapidly they will subside, depends on many factors, including the specific addiction, the length of the addiction, how successful the program of abstinence or moderation has been, and the strength of the developing alternative lifestyle. However, as a very broad guideline, within six months to one year most addicts will report only feeble urges (for instance, one a week, lasting a few minutes, a 1 or 2 on a 10 point scale).
It is also crucial not to take responsibility for the occurrence of the urge, but only your response to it. It is normal for any addict to experience urges, and just because on Sunday you decide to stop does not mean that on Monday you will not have urges. The fact that urges occur does not indicate that your motivation is weak, but that your addiction is strong. Because all habits have unconscious components, of which the urge is one, it will take time for these to die away. What is within your control, however, is how you respond to the urge. An analogy could be made to someone knocking at your front door. All sorts of individuals might knock at your door, but it is up to you to decide with whom you will talk. Their knocking is not your responsibility, but to what extent you choose to speak with them is.
Specific techniques for coping with urges include the following.
When an urge occurs, accept it, but keep it at a distance. Experience it as you would a passing thought, one which "comes in one ear and out the other". Detach yourself from it, and observe and study it as an outside object for a moment. Then return your attention to what you were previously doing. If the urge is intense, remember (and perhaps picture) your benefits of stopping/cutting back (which can be carried in your wallet or purse). Recall a "moment of clarity", a moment when changing your addictive behavior seemed almost without question the right course of action. Think your addictive behavior through to the end:
When an urge is present, you tend to think only of the Benefits of the Addiction, but completing the image to include the negative consequences that follow will give you a more accurate view of the whole scenario. If the urge is very intense, engage yourself in a distracting activity, one which you have enjoyed before and which will take your mind off the urge, or use a specific distraction technique, such as counting things (e.g., leaves on a plant, books on a shelf), doing arithmetic (e.g., continually subtracting 7 from 1000, 993, 986, etc.), or focusing on alphabetical/verbal games (e.g., saying the alphabet backwards, reading signs backwards, searching book titles or license plates for the alphabet, etc.). Any simple activity conducted at high speed can fill up your attention, thereby allowing no attention for the urge. Any thought or activity on which you completely focus your attention is all that is needed, because if no attention is paid to the urge, then it will no longer exist. Although another urge may come along at any point, that urge also can be dealt with in a similar fashion. Over time the urges come less frequently, as already stated.
To summarize these urge coping techniques, all urges should be accepted. Low level urges can be observed but kept at a distance. Attention can then be re-directed to whatever one was paying attention to prior to the urge. More intense urges can be "counterargued" by reviewing in some fashion the benefits of not engaging in the addictive behavior, and the facts about urges mentioned above (e.g., all urges go away eventually; they are uncomfortable but not unbearable unless I blow them out of proportion;). Very intense urges can be dealt with using some form of distraction, repeated as necessary. All urges eventually go away.

Ty ODAT for that post really really helped.

Day3 , so got food shopping last night can not tell you how amazing the taste of a bottle of coke and a plate full of food was, when I had not eaten in ages.
It is 6 days till pay day and I will have enough to eat and drink,
Do not need or want money till then as I do not need to buy anything or pay anything.
So overall feeling alot better then I was on day 1

To be honest it was a nice urge free day, just was working, but also focussing on other things projects i want to work on etc.
I am not going to fool myself because I know the urges will come and sometimes they will be really strong, but at least I am prepared for that.

This is to ODATT
I have to take my hat off to you.
The strengh you possess, you are so eloquent with your words.
Awfully comical and intellectual.
I will most certainly have to throw you a mention when one day I give my speech once Ireceive my nobel prize in physics :).
Thank you so much for even taking the time to upload that post for me.
Rob

I actually just saw this on another post and someone wrote their salary and how much of that they lost.
I found that very powerfull, alot of people in general do not disclose their salaries etc.

But you know what I have never been this honest with myself in terms of you brush off other loses when you win etc,
So as I HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM, i for the first time even to myself I guess write down all of it, as i really spiralled downwards last year where it got out of control i will start from there.

Actually feeling so nervous even as i type this because it is something i even tried to hide from myself by denying it and forgetting it
So hear goes

Last year salary £16000
Rent pm £520 always paid this apart from one time when well gambled it and had to borrow.

Wins were ВЈ2200 2150 ВЈ900 5 times and ВЈ100-£500 18 times
All was gambled back
Plus min £300 pm of wages
Borrowed like ВЈ4000 from family over the year just to keep me going food etc after well doing all my money and probably gambled £2000 of that.
So conservatively -£10k maybe more.

2017 to date
Salary £3700
Wins ВЈ1200 4 times ВЈ1400 maybe 9 ВЈ200 to £500
All lost back
Avg loseing ВЈ400 pm of wages borrowed family to keep me going maybe ВЈ2k ish most gambled last gamble 4 days ago lost £240 leading to no food
And leading me here.

So there it is I feel ashamed, more guilty than anything, so cringeworthy looking at it.
BUT I FEEL really relieved and so honest, and as we know us gamblers lack that lol.
Never been so honest with myself by forcing myself to write it and look at it.
Can not do anything about the loses.
Just happy i had the strength to be honest with myself

Hi Rob.

I believe when we write things down, it is there right in front of us to see! Well done you, getting all this down and off your chest. I hope this made you feel better. Ultimately, no matter who earns what on here, that I believe is irrelevant, lots of us, including myself, have spent almost every last penny of our hard earned salary to gambling! Please do not be ashamed. It is a reality that gambling can/has led many of us to do this.

I wish you the best of luck and stay strong.

Our Lady

Day 4
Really struggling today, not with gambling urges, because to be honest that word even makes me feel sick and cringe at the moment.

Just struggling with the fact iam hardly eating because no money, makes me feel tired weak etc.
It is 5 days till payday and i am imagining all the food iam going to buy, where as before it use to be all the spins i was going to do.

Really am suffering dont get me wrong i can just about scrape through untill payday, for instance had £10 in a jacket pocket that i found today, so can get bread ,beans water etc.
Will have to borrow £10 saturday thats no problem because will pay it back payday.

As bad as I am suffering Iam glad for it because it is the consequences of my and mine alone actions.

This is only going to make me more determined to fight and mentally toughen me.

left work early felt tired drained etc, its fine because I am owed time anyway.

Spent mose of the rest of the day in bed fighting off hunger pains, It is brutal !! and have just been reading loads of inspiring posts on here, since my bad lapse 5 days ago things have really been affected, mood, study etc from the realisation of how out of control I got and also the fact that due to no money have been just about scraping a meal a day together.

so tomorrow is time to snap myself out of this 4 days is more than enough self pity etc, and to be honest I am getting fed up of feeling sorry for myself , woe is me and all that, it is my fault I am in this situation and its up to me to get myself moving and get out of this funk and just start to rebuild and move on.

so first thing tomorrow giving my room a really good clean and hoover etc, so when I get back from work I can get down to study, it is actually quite funny after I hoover and clean my study seems to be so productive and focussed, because when I am looking around my room and everything is spotless and in the right place, a nice feeling of order and satisfaction comes over me anyway I digress.

So to summarise day 4 today, 5 days till payday, hungary so hungary, but more focussed, and just thinking of the bigger picture,because the more time I spend thinking about thepast events that have led me to this point the more positive and productive time I lose.

As always ty for listening, reading etc and ty for all your support.