Back to basics

Thanks Dunc I will do that.

Day 7 and I have had the most annoying day ever. I logged on and updated my anti virus and then had to reboot my computer. When I rebooted the keyboard and mouse pad wouldn't work so I couldn't log in to Windows. I couldn't find a solution so I thought I would just reinstall Windows and now I have totally killed my laptop. Fortunately I kept my old laptop. That's another 45 quid I am going to have to waste on getting my laptop repaired, all because of a stupid update and now I have lost all the data in my hard drive.

This morning a lad from work text me to ask if I had any tips for today. I have told him time and time again I am not interested, I am just going to avoid speaking to him in future and ignore his messages. No idea what meetings are on today which is good considering it can be hard to avoid on a Saturday and that's how I need to be.

An afternoon of trying to fix my pc and watching Soccer Saturday ahead of me and then El Classico which I'm really looking forward to.

Day 8 and I managed to negotiate Saturday without any knowledge of odds or horse race meetings. This is what works for me and I need to keep my mind focussed, especially with pay day looming.

I read an article online about a guy down south who took a baseball bat to his local bookies. He visited all the big chains and smashed up the screens whilst asking 'please don't let me in again'. The poor guy has been arrested and charged. I can see where he is coming from, if it wasn't for my job I would consider doing the same as this would ensure I never got into a bookies again. For me it should be the bookies getting charged for their exploitation of people with an addiction, not the vulnerable gambler.

Imagine if a pub was texting recovering alcoholics offering them free pints. I think there would be uproar in the press over something like this. Or a pub encouraging someone who is completely legless to keep on drinking. It just wouldn't happen! Yet a bookies can get away with doing this. If I had gone a few days without putting any points on my badblokes odds on card I would start receiving texts off them offering me free bets if I spent x amount that day. If I had drank too much in a pub they would stop serving me, but in a bookies they just take take take. They can see a man on a FOBT in total despair, screaming at the machine having lost thousands. He can walk to the counter with tears in his eyes and they will still let him hand his card over and deposit more funds to the FOBT. They never say don't you think you've had enough!

Anyway rant over, I guess when I think back I'm angry at all the tricks they have used to suck me in over the years. Even when it comes to self excluding they have at times tried to put me off.

No bets today and need to avoid all the gamblers in work.

Hi Phil,

DITTO

Suzanne xx

Hi Phil

Well done - now over a week of renewed sanity for you. I can fully understand your despair about the bookies. Similarly, I can't understand how gambling companies should be allowed to do so much TV advertising. I really cringe when I see them blabbing on about how much 'fun' you can have, but I suppose the good thing is that such ads really leave me cold with no temptation to rejoin any of them.

I fervently hope that you will soon have the same dispassionate view of bookies. Such good advice from duncs - use them as part of your therapy. It was only when I started seeing casinos, bingo sites etc. as cynical, money-grabbing, immoral and harmful that I determined not to give them any more of my money (or rather, the bank's money!).

Stay fighting Phil - you'll come through this, and well done by the way on your health regime.

Joanna

Its day 9, I did come on to post this morning but sadly the forum was down. Tomorrow is pay day, I have no knowledge of horse meetings, I won't be looking, I will continue to work hard to avoid all knowledge of it. In work I have avoided the gamblers or quickly told them I wasn't interested if I sensed gambling talk. My mum has my bank card and won't be letting me near it. I will wake up tomorrow with money in the bank and not a penny of it is going to a bookies.

I was thinking in work earlier that things are looking up. I am eating healthier, I have a few nights out to look forward to at Christmas, few football days to look forward to and as the months go by my finances get better and better. This is in my hands, if I choose to go back to a bookies I lose it all. That's a choice I wont be making!

Looking forward to tomorrow, I will have money in the bank and its day ten, double figures!

Hi Phil,

Very well done on 10 days.

Stay focused as its pay day,

Make that right choice today, and you will feel so chuffed with yourself, and that is very positive for you.

Suzanne xx

Thanks so much for your support and kind words Suzanne.

Its day 10 and pay day. The day I have in the past woken up full of excitement. Excited about an afternoon in a bookies, about the imminent loss of a whole months wage. Why was I excited about that? Anyway today I wake up refreshed, my debts are coming down, I don't have the strong urge to have a bet, I have things to look forward to. Life is far from perfect but its looking better. The more days without a bet, the better life will become.

All my payments today will be made by my mum, she won't give me my card and she will only give me small amounts of money. This keeps me safe, I feel strong, but this is an added safeguard.

So I woke today and off I went to get my laptop repaired. 50 pounds seems a lot to fix it, but if I was in a bookies today I would pass it over the counter with no worries. Football on Saturday to look forward to and a date on Saturday night.

So glad your Mum has your bank card! You have good things to look forward to - there is light at the end of 2014. Saying 'no' to yourself today means a big 'yes' for your tomorrows :-). I know you have had a couple of blips but you have had a very positive year and learnt a lot about yourself and when and where you need to take extra care. Well done! I love hearing you say 'today I will not gamble!' Love Mama B xx

Thanks again Suzanne, I made all the right choices and survived the day with no problems. And thanks Mama B, I am back in a much better place and won't be slipping up.

Day 11, the day after payday! Total avoidance of odds and anything to do with horse racing is the way forward, I got through yesterday easily and made all the right choices. My guards are in place and working. Walked into work last night and a lad approached me I knew what he was going to talk about, I quickly said if its about gambling don't tell me. He said 'but I have a tip' I said 'good luck I hope it wins, but I don't want to know what it is'. Then another lad later in my shift went to show me his phone, I turned my head away and said 'I dont want to see your bets'. Just got to stay strong and keep drumming it into these people and hopefully they will stop bringing it up to me.

Not too keen on the new forum layout, hopefully it will grow on me.

Day 12 fortunately my last day in work before my two days off. Still feeling good and no bad thoughts or temptations. I need to plan a few things to keep me busy on my days off. Saturday is pretty busy with football and then a night out, but tomorrow is quiet. The weathers meant to be good tomorrow so it opens up more options. I've still not got my laptop which is annoying me. I took it in on Tuesday and assumed he would do it that day, hes still not finished it, had I known he was so busy I would have taken it somewhere else. Oh well at least thats all I have to worry about today, far better than waking up with that horrible feeling after a days gambling.

I am totally at a loss as to where to go or what to do from here. I have just been and blown 500 quid and I feel like I am just never ever going to stop gambling it is impossible.

I woke up this morning and all I could think of was gambling, I had no knowledge of race meeting or todays runners but I just wanted a bet. All I could think is that its easy have a few winners and then get out and treat myself. Then the plan was that I would stop again from tomorrow. I kept thinking about the other week and how I can't win because I can't stop, but it didnt matter. I was like a smackhead in need of a fix, nothing was going to stop me having a bet today. It didnt take me long to find my bank card in my mums purse, I went off to the cash machine drew the maximum out, which is 500 and then put the card back, before telling my mum I was going out for a bit. First bet won, I was 130 pounds up, but that wasnt enough and loser after loser lead me to very quickly lose it all.

So now I have that gamblers sinking feeling, I had enough money for a comfortable month and now I am going to have to struggle through. Had a date lined up for tomorrow night, shes had a lucky escape as now I will have to cancel. She is better off not meeting me and getting involved in my screwed up life. Have no idea how I am going to tell my mum what I have done, she will very quickly work it out as she knows I was meant to be going out tomorrow night. So what now? My mum will have to hide my bank card, but she won't be around forever. I am totally powerless to stop my gambling and my future is very bleak. There is no point me working, I may as well continue until my debts are paid off and then quit because I'm just working to line a bookies pockets. I have destroyed my whole life and I am powerless to fix myself or improve my situation. For years I have lied and hurt so many people and got myself deeper and deeper into debts and told that many lies that my life is a lie. I would never self harm, I wouldnt put my parents through it, but there is no point in me being here, I am a worthless waste of space. Year on year on year of this addiction and I am kidding myself thinking I can beat it. This thing in my head is never going away, I have nothing and I wont ever have anything.

Hi Bornagain,

I have just read your last post and I felt I needed to send you a message - though I am not sure how much help I can be as I am new today.

You need to speak to your mum, nothing you can do would be as bad as doing something to hurt yourself. Please speak to your mum. You can beat this, I have read so many inspiring stories on here. Sorry I am not much help.

Take care, Jane

Bornagain you are not worthless. Dont ever say that about yourself. Your entitled to a good life and to be happy.

You have some much potential.

Willpower is not enough for recovery. You need to start attending GA meetings.

Speak to your mam, i was in the same situation as you, The truth is that the bank card cant be in the house anymore.

you need to ask an aunt, uncle, friend, anyone to look after it. you need breathing space.

This addiction is tough, i hate how hard it is. But you need to find strength. You need your sole focus to be not gamble, One day at a time, one hour at a time. Stuff like dates and going out will happen in the future if you put in the effort now.

Stop giving yourself a hard time and start working on this addiction

take care

Stephen

Hi Phil,

Sorry to read of your slip, but do not give up heart, this is a journey of recovery, you have come a long way and have learnt so much, pick yourself up dust yourself down and carry on and be proud that you are not giving up on giving up.

It is a horrendous addiction, and it's not easy, so don't be hard on yourself, because you are in recovery, you can do this,

Well done on your honest post.

Suzanne xx

Its day one but there is no point me adding days anymore as I will accrue plenty and then get paid again and the nonsense will come into my head. Should be out tonight having fun, but instead I'm sat at home wasting my life. Gambling has taken over and I am powerless to beat it, I would do anything to stop me ever having a bet again. but I don't know what to do. The urges that consume my mind are so powerful and I can't beat them. I have had no life for years and I have no future because of this addiction. The only thing I can think of is to visit all the local bookies and do something that gets me known to them and my photos circulated so nobody would ever let me through the door again. Self excluding won't work because once gambling mode kicks I would do anything or travel anywhere to get a bet on, I need to be banned from every bookies in UK, I want to be banned from every bookies in UK. I want to have a life.