Just about to head off to work, no bets today, I do have cash I could draw from the bank today, but theres no point it will only make my situation worse. I think the answer now is to use all my wages on debt repayments on a payday and just leave myself enough for food. Theres no point me having money because it just brings these horrible urges and the feelings that follow. Waste of time me going to work really, I have spent years working hard to give it all to a bookies. It sucks to be heading to work feeling so bad, I can't blame anyone but myself. I still need to work out a way to ensure I am never allowed to set foot in a bookies again.
I came across the below here and am copy pasting it for you. Hope it helps:
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How to cope with urges.
For many individuals, the crucial problem is coping with urges. In order to cope well with them, it is usually necessary to understand them accurately, rather than in the distorted manner of many addicts. Some common distortions about urges are that urges are excruciating or unbearable, that they compel you to use or act, that they will drive you crazy if you do not use or act, and that they will not go away until you use or act. Some individuals are confused enough about their own thinking that they have a difficult time identifying distinct urges, and simply think of themselves as behaving a certain way "because I like to." In actuality, urges can be uncomfortable but they are not unbearable unless you blow them out of proportion; they do not force you to do anything (there have probably been many instances where you had an urge but did not act), they have not driven you crazy yet (and will not), each urge will go away if you simply wait long enough, and there are periods between urges which become increasingly longer if you stop. Although during the initial days or weeks of abstinence or moderation, especially after a long period of daily addictive behavior, you may experience many urges of strong and even increasing intensity. Recovering addicts of all types report that urges eventually peak in frequency, intensity, and duration, and then gradually, with occasional flare-ups, fade away. How long it will take for urges to peak, and how rapidly they will subside, depends on many factors, including the specific addiction, the length of the addiction, how successful the program of abstinence or moderation has been, and the strength of the developing alternative lifestyle. However, as a very broad guideline, within six months to one year most addicts will report only feeble urges (for instance, one a week, lasting a few minutes, a 1 or 2 on a 10 point scale). It is also crucial not to take responsibility for the occurrence of the urge, but only your response to it. It is normal for any addict to experience urges, and just because on Sunday you decide to stop does not mean that on Monday you will not have urges. The fact that urges occur does not indicate that your motivation is weak, but that your addiction is strong. Because all habits have unconscious components, of which the urge is one, it will take time for these to die away. What is within your control, however, is how you respond to the urge. An analogy could be made to someone knocking at your front door. All sorts of individuals might knock at your door, but it is up to you to decide with whom you will talk. Their knocking is not your responsibility, but to what extent you choose to speak with them is. Specific techniques for coping with urges include the following. When an urge occurs, accept it, but keep it at a distance. Experience it as you would a passing thought, one which "comes in one ear and out the other". Detach yourself from it, and observe and study it as an outside object for a moment. Then return your attention to what you were previously doing. If the urge is intense, remember (and perhaps picture) your benefits of stopping/cutting back (which can be carried in your wallet or purse). Recall a "moment of clarity", a moment when changing your addictive behavior seemed almost without question the right course of action. Think your addictive behavior through to the end: When an urge is present, you tend to think only of the Benefits of the Addiction, but completing the image to include the negative consequences that follow will give you a more accurate view of the whole scenario. If the urge is very intense, engage yourself in a distracting activity, one which you have enjoyed before and which will take your mind off the urge, or use a specific distraction technique, such as counting things (e.g., leaves on a plant, books on a shelf), doing arithmetic (e.g., continually subtracting 7 from 1000, 993, 986, etc.), or focusing on alphabetical/verbal games (e.g., saying the alphabet backwards, reading signs backwards, searching book titles or license plates for the alphabet, etc.). Any simple activity conducted at high speed can fill up your attention, thereby allowing no attention for the urge. Any thought or activity on which you completely focus your attention is all that is needed, because if no attention is paid to the urge, then it will no longer exist. Although another urge may come along at any point, that urge also can be dealt with in a similar fashion. Over time the urges come less frequently, as already stated. To summarize these urge coping techniques, all urges should be accepted. Low level urges can be observed but kept at a distance. Attention can then be re-directed to whatever one was paying attention to prior to the urge. More intense urges can be "counterargued" by reviewing in some fashion the benefits of not engaging in the addictive behavior, and the facts about urges mentioned above (e.g., all urges go away eventually; they are uncomfortable but not unbearable unless I blow them out of proportion;). Very intense urges can be dealt with using some form of distraction, repeated as necessary. All urges eventually go away. |
Hi Phil,
It won't be a waste of time going to work as long as you slowly but surely pay your debts off, because gambling only increases them, you can do this, and each pay day will free up more money, and make you stronger, and that is the only way forwards for all of us.
Suzanne xx
Phil
fella for more than twenty years I progressively said 'f*****k it' to the world and went back at it,progressively I cared less for life and just kept digging myself a bigger hole.
If anyone dared to question my gambling I would answer with aggression,pure anger,I simply could not see the life that was on offer.My life revolved around my selfish desire to feed my addiction.
I could write about how good life is without gambling,but the truth is you already know that,you have enjoyed prolonged abstinence,I could write about giving all the effort you give to gambling to recovery,but the truth is my friend by posting here,by writing about the pain you put yourself through you do give to recovery.
I don't have the answer of how to stop you gambling,the truth is only you do fella.
Keep writing Phil,keep the door to recovery revolving my friend
One day you will walk through and not look back.
Don't punish yourself fella,addiction has done enough of that,be kind to yourself,addiction f*****g hate's it!!
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back
Thanks for the helpful messages, it is very hard right now to be positive about anything, I can go the next few weeks without a bet but then payday comes and out of nowhere the urges could come back that make me do irrational things and lose my mind. I am looking into jobs abroad, my problem is gambling in betting shops, online isnt a big thing for me. So maybe if I got work in a country where there were no bookies I would be able to attempt a normal life. The only other thing is finding a way to make myself known in bookies. I was thinking of doing some leaflets about FOBTs and how much damage they are doing to society and spending my days off standing in bookies handing them out, maybe if I was a pest and kept doing it they would circulate my photo and get me banned for good. I have accepted I am powerless to stop myself gambling and the only way for me is to move abroad or get banned from every bookie in uk.
Hi Phil,
Do anything and everything you can to stop you placing that bet, I know how hard it is for you at this time, but you can do it , you have done it, You're know where your weakness is the bloody bookies, you are stronger than them, you know you are,
Do you want to lose your next months hard earned money to them, NO you don't, and all you have to do is to make that choice, keep your money, don't give it to the bookies. That is the only way you will win, I expect you are not even enjoying gambling now, so that is one big positive for you.
The addiction wants to wring you dry, don't let it, keep posting and venting your feelings, support on here is unconditional
Suzanne xx
Phil - the very fact that you are still coming on to this site and communicating with us shows that you have not given up the fight and that you will eventually conquer this addiction. If there really was no hope for a full recovery you would have simply walked away from us and continued gambling. But you didn't - you are like Rocky - never giving up however many times you are knocked down and you will triumph. I hope your cancelled date is still 'available' - you probably don't feel like making the effort now, but I am sure if you can improve things in your social life then it will help keep you on track. You may have tripped into a ditch at the moment but you are still on the road and going in the right direction - remember that.
Joanna
Thanls so much Joanna and Suzanne. I guess its a small positive that I am still here, I suppose I could have just left and gone back to my old ways full time. I am staying here because I want to beat this, I am just struggling with how to do it.Things are paticularly hard right now as I have fallen out with my parents so I can't borrow the car or get a lift to work anymore. If I wasn't a gambler I would probably have a brand new car, but I chose to blow everything and for the past 18 years have had nothing. There is no bus service to work or even part of the way, so I now have a 90 minute walk twice a day, before and after my shift. Had I not blown that 500 I could have bought a cheap run around. Walking back tonight my feet were killing, and I was just thinking well this is where gambling has got me. Months of debt repayments to go and then if I stay gamble free I could get a car. I would never ever self harm, but right now would be quite happy to be involved in an accident that finished me off as my life sucks and I am unable to ever make things any better. Years of hopes and dreams very quickly fade away as I get sucked back into a bookies.
Phil, I'm sad reading your last post and sorry that you've had a falling out with your parents. But if anything can harden your resolve I should think it would be your 2 x 90 minutes walking each day. With every step imagine the gambling bosses in their limos, living in the lap of luxury, all provided by us poor dupes. You deserve better than this, and you are not going to be a victim any more. Many people would have completely given up and succumbed by now, but you have not, and I know that you are going to get a better life for yourself eventually. Keep thinking about that time not far away when you will be debt-free and you can start enjoying your hard-earned money. I think that will give you the boost you need. Nil desperandum!
Joanna
Tough times right now, my parents are now willing to let me use the car for work but I am very stubborn and have told them to stick it. Things are bad and I need to move out asap, but I have very little money and nowhere to go. I have no friends because I chose to let people down and take myself away from people and theres only so long people make an effort until they give up on you. I wasn't bothered about friends, my only interest was in my next bet. So where others could stay with a friend for a bit, that option isnt open to me. I have nothing, if my parents kicked me out I would have nowhere to go and no money. Life sucks, I see a long dark tunnel and no way of turning this round, life is losing any purpose. I guess right now I just want to stick work out till my debts are paid off and then just give up, theres nothing for me or no point working hard to fund a bookies profits. I am a pathetic loser and I never learn and never change.
Phil - Please give yourself a break - you are not 'a pathetic loser' but someone who has achieved so much and has been such a good force on these forums. So you weakened a few times - perhaps you just got 'non-gambling fatigue' - it's been a hard slog for you after all. But remember that you did learn, and you did change, and there's no reason why a few demoralizing bets should finish you off for good. If you can get through these few months until you become debt-free I think you'll feel so much different about things. Then you can put your 'real' money to good use - buy a car, go on a really nice holiday and put all these bad times behind you. You are still a young man and have plenty of living to do, if you give yourself a chance.
Joanna
Thanks Joanna, I am trying to be positive, but at the mo theres very little to look forward to. At least while I am struggling with the gambling I have kept to my healthy eating and have lost 16 pounds in three weeks. 5 weeks today till the works Christmas do and I am hoping to stick with it until then. 3 weeks until payday, 3 skint dull weeks, been bored today and have more of the same tomorrow, I will probably have to give the match a miss tomorrow as money is too tight. I will have to find a way of not gambling once I get paid at the end of the month as if I do this again I will miss the xmas night out which won't go down well with my boss.
Hi Phil,
Totally agree with Joanna, this is a horrible addiction and not easy to stay stopped, you really have come so far Stick your fingers up at it, hold your head up high and keep going, you are not a pathetic loser.
Take care and stay safe
Suzanne xx
PS
You are a very big part of Mr Bs challenge don't give up on it you are a very valued soldier, not trying to nag lol
Suzanne xx
Phil
fella for twenty and more years I lived a life from a half empty glass,I let addiction ruin all my plans and still went back for more again and again.
Addiction takes the insides of us,it will keep taking that self worth,it will rob you of all your self esteem
Worst is it blinds you from it,it is f*****g sneaky fella,it has you in the palm of it's hand.
Through recovery I filled my glass to half full,I see the good in everything.
My advice give it a go,get those walking boots back on tomorrow and walk to footy,enjoy it.
Set out plans for your money now to enable you to enjoy it rather than gift it to addiction.
Don't ever give up my friend
Why??
Because believe me when I say this
Phil is worth it!!!!
Turn it around,embrace recovery again,just worry about today,enjoy it.
You are a WINNER today,repeat it tomorrow.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back
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