Back to basics

Hi Phil

Good to read you are more positive, stay strong determined and focused again today and win today.

Suzanne xx

I'm currently in countdown to pay day mode. In the past as payday approached I would be more and more full of excitement that I could have a bet again and win big! Why was I excited, it only ever ended the same way, no money for another month. So this will be my first test, I need to make the right choices and ensure I don't slip up. I have two more months of debt payments to go of paying 1k a month and then into 2015 it drops to 500 a month. I can increase this to 1k to clear things faster but I do have more leeway and could even save the 500 and get a run around motor in April and then book a holiday. One things for sure if I gamble I can't have anything. So less than two weeks till payday and if I stay clean I will have enough money for a few nights out and a few football days and some xmas shopping. I need to stay strong, payday will test me but I can't slip again.

Phil

My friend,faced with that choice a rational thinking fella would say oh well that's a no brainer!!!

What a few hours self inflicted misery,a self gifted mind f**k,ending in self loathing,self esteem gone and another month to repeat the cycle!!!

But then most folk are not afflicted by the compulsion to gamble

As einstein wrote

To repeat the same thing over and over and expect the outcome to be different is an act of pure madness.

I lived that madness for too many years,I was that soilder boy.

Put practical things into place to ensure it doesn't happen fella,better to cash the money into beer tokens or football tickets rather than gift a single penny to addiction.

Go christmas shopping,enjoy it.

Don't forget in all this Phil look after you,be kind to you,show yourself what the results of not having a punt can and will gift.

Maybe the Auto trader beckons???????????? f**k can you still buy that,lol or am I that out of touch with the world!!!

Oh most of all Phil,this is not a life sentence of woe,enjoy it my friend,after all since that last punt you have not stopped winning!!!!

From over here that looks pretty amazing!!

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thanks so much Duncan for your message, the Einstein quote is superb, I had never heard that before. Auto Trader is still running online as I have been having a look, not sure if the paper version still exists.

Through my incredibly low moods of late the best thing I have done is to stick posting on here. On the 28th I will be tested again and that is my new start. Day one for me will be the 28th November! I have not been counting the days lately as I was so low and I feel its pointless when I have such a small amount of money left that will hardly test me. From day one I will have money in the bank and my balance month by month will get better as my debts decrease. So from my payday I am going to start counting days again and fighting hard to win this battle. I need to keep creating barriers and improving my mental well being. I am feeling better than I was and things can get better and better from here.

Hi Phil, i know how you feel, i can totally relate to your thoughts.

Plan for payday, Put barriers in place to help you.

One day at a time Phil, take it one hour at a time.

Your a compulsive gambler, you are not a bad person, you are entitled to feel happiness and to have a good life

Thanks for that Stephen.

Another day without a bet and without any dark thoughts. Payday seems like ages away, but the sooner it comes the better. I have a few things to look foreward to in the weeks leading up the Christmas so I need to ensure I don't slip up and spoil everythng. Not really got much to say today, was just another mundane day in work. Thankfully the small amount I have left will get me into the football on Saturday and get me next weeks food shop which is a better result than gambling with it. Things are calming down at home too, I need to regain my mums trust so she doesnt think I'm gambling everytime I step out of the house.

Another positive day, no bad thoughts and hanging onto my money to get me into the football on Saturday and get next weeks food. My diets going really well I'm finding it easy so far to stick to. I really need to start some regular exercise or find a sports club to attend to prevent me putting the weight back on once I come off the diet. Its good to be out of my depression and its in my hands what direction I take from here. First target is to get to 2015 without slipping up and after that I want to aim for a clean 2015, lots of work is needed to make sure I am stronger this time round!

Got through today clean, but I did get drawn into a discussion about football betting, which I should really avoid. Lads were talking about cashing out on a bet and asked me what I thought. I should have just said leave me out of it, but became involved in the conversation. I need to learn from this and not get drawn into gambling talk as this is what can leave me wanting a bet.

Fortunately I now have two days off, not much planned yet, but I do have the football to look forward to on Saturday.

Right its a week until payday and I am starting my count from payday. I have done a lot of thinking and a lot of reading of diaries today. This is the place for me to be, I need to utilise this site and the supportive people here and ensure I do better this time round. The past year I have gone the longest period in my life without a bet but as time went by I have struggled badly and earlier this month I felt I was getting back to my worst. I was getting so much from the 2014 challenge and so determined to stay clean for 2014 but it was never the same once I slipped up. At least throughout the year I have kept to my debt repayments and things get more manageable in 2015, thats thanks to my mum for managing my finances, without her I could have ended up getting in more debt. My horrific depression has gone, I feel a lot more positive, things are in my hands. November and December will be tight, but if I stay clear of gambling I will have enough money to have a social life and will go into 2015 in a much better frame of mind.

Fortunately I am still going strong on my diet, I lost another three pounds last week and next week I am resuming my couch to 10k training plan. I have clothes bought last December that no longer fit, I'm probably now not far from them fitting again. I gave myself 8 weeks to stick to my diet and I'm 5 weeks in. Only 3 to go until the works night out and my first target to lose 2 stone by then is well in sight. My next target is to not gamble again this year, I need to firm up my barriers and continue this week working on ways I can help myself more.

When I stopped gambling last December I was a broken man, devastated because my ex had met someone else. I wanted to change and be a better person. I was rock bottom and very soon after I had stopped gambling she became single again and I at the time wanted her back. As a result it made me more determined to change my ways and for a time maybe I was stopping the gambling to be a better person and win her back. As 2014 went by I lost interest in her and moved on and maybe when I look back this is when the gambling urges came back. Maybe the grief I went through and the fact I blamed my gambling on losing her was what made me find giving up initially so easy. This time round I am doing it for myself, I have had a bad few months and its time to turn my life around.

Thinking about what Duncan has said in the past I think I am going to get a load of passport photos done and every Friday self exclude from three shops, untill I can no longer think of a local shop I'm not excluded from. Could take a while as I probably know every single betting shop within 20 miles of home and theres hundreds. But its a good way to spend an hour on a Friday morning. I have to do this, theres more to life than this addiction.

Hi Phil,

What a strong liovely post I can see your resolve in every word.

Onwards and forwards

Suzanne xx

Phil

Fella thanks for the kind words upon my thread,I know many compulsive gamblers share many of the same traits,not just through our gambling actions but the way life in general is approached.

We all share a common goal,once we step through the doors of recovery and for me the key is simply to find a way to ENJOY it,because the truth for me fella is this,life with gambling in it on any level for us will result in loss of the opportunity to LIVE life,it will lead to a loss of our very foundations to which we can build a life upon.

The sh#ite we all have to deal with that life throws our way will be present regardless of the presence of gambling or not.

But the addition of more sh#ite will only be there if gambling exists.

I hope you enjoy your football today,you are doing something outstanding here,never forget that.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thanks Suzanne and Duncs. Your lot play up here next Saturday Duncs.

I have spent the morning trying to get tickets for the Bellew fight tonight but sadly all I can find is greedy people trying to sell 40 pound tickets for 200. So looks like a couple of beers at the football and then home to watch the boxing on tv. Its weeks and weeks since I last saw us win in the league so hopefully todays the day. A really hard core gambler from work is coming to the match today so I need to avoid talking to him too much as all he is likely to talk about is his bets. No doubt at quarter to five he will have his hard luck story to tell, one teams lost him x amount. By choosing not to go into the bookies today I won't have any hard luck stories, I will be a winner.

Saturday is the only day of the week when I break my diet/detox. Instead of having a healthy lunch I have two pints at the football. I'm feeling strong and won't be setting foot in a bookies.

Thats my Saturday done, just enjoyed the boxing what an absolute star Anthony Joshua is going to be. Shame about the football we lost again and its now weeks and weeks and weeks since a league win. Feels good to be enjoying the sport without thinking about a bet. Feeling way more positive, just a shame that when I wake on Sunday I have work to look forward to.

Less then two hours till my week at work starts, heard the boss plans to increase our team by three members which is absolutely crazy when theres barely enough for us to do as we are. I fear if he does it then I will lose out on hours and as a result my pay will drop. Just as my finances are about to get better and I'm hit with this and a potential loss of 4-500 a month.....Typical. My boss isnt in today but I will be telling him exactly what I think when I see him and hopefully pressure him into changing his mind. I'm already looking for something else but I'm yet to find anything that offers at least the same wage as I'm on now.

Got to stay positive as it wouldnt matter how much I was getting paid if I was gambling as it would all go the same way. Need to achieve my first goal of going the remainder of 2014 without a bet. Feeling good and not tempted at all. No bets today!

Hi Phil,

Good strong and positive post, keep going and keep winning.

Suzanne xx