Back To The Start

Day 1, Its amazing how time goes by so quickly when youre gambling. On the 30th March I went to the darts in cardiff with three friends we had a full day on the beer and during the course of the day it was decided we would have a bet between us on the darts I knew I was going to have to restart my count on here and I did it anyway.

The next day I was ashamed people had taken time out of their lives to post support and encouragement I thought I would make it back to 23 days and pick up where I left off and no-one would have lost any time bar me. I reached 20 days once and almost used it as an excuse to myself well if I gamble now I dont have to post or some such sh*te logic.

And here we are 4 months later and I have not made it back to 23 days the financial side of things is better than when I was last on here I have been payng back debts and am in a slightly better position than last time as my gambilng has not been as draining on my resourses as previously, but it is the time and stress and hiding that is getting me down again so back here I am trying to quit.

I probably will only post on here sporadically till I get back to 23 days because I dont want to waste anyones time but once I reach the place I was before I will try to get back into posting every day. Not looking for sympathy just wanted to get back on the horse and try again I was reading a piece on addiction today and the focus was talking about being a scared little boy when it came to addiction that is how I hope I will look back on myself when I come out the other side.

TH

Hey TH. Just been having a look over your posts and you seem to be in a very similar situation to me.

Sports is my thing, mainly inplay tennis & football. Sometimes darts and basketball. Anything really. I'm not in masses of debt because of it, but I know it's a problem.

At the beginning of the year I was sick of having no money and decided to do something about it. The support on here was fantastic and I jumped into it and stopped for 56 days (longest since I was 17, I'm nearly 26 now). I then fell victim to a grand national bet, and it went downhill again from there.

I have had a few half assed attempts, but I'm back now trying my best to stop for good. Got my sights firmly on the 56 days to begin with. Early days though.

I have a similar mindset to you, in that I don't want to waste anyone's time as people have been so good to me on here before and I feel I have let them down.

Anyway keep going mate and stay strong.

RA

Hi TH,

I tried a few times to stop, I say try I never confided in anyone, put blocks in place or asked for any support.

Asking for support was on of the keys, I came on here listened and learned and I think I'm starting to do well. You can't do this on your own use the support on here good and bad, you're not wasting people's time ,so get that out of your head,

I love to read all the positive posts like anyone but I get for more by helping and it gives me a reality check that if I put that first bet i might go missing for a few months like you have or even longer.

Don't run and hide get back posting and reading.

KTF

Day 2, Thanks for the support guys good to see you are still going strong KTF. Looked through a few other diaries and there are a few of the ones that started around the same time as me still going a positive example for me to follow and a sober reminder that just one small break can lead to 4 months of haze.

I felt so confident last time that things were running smoothly until I had a day away with the boys, am going to try and avoid this situation as much as possible and think I will have to tell them I dont bet anymore, it will be embarrising for me and dent my pride of that I have no doubt, and wont stop them betting and discussing it in my presence but hopefully will be enough for them not to ask me to join in. Nearly all of my friends are gamblers to some degree and I have formed friendships through common intrests sport, betting etc and I am going to have to work out what events I can go on and what I can't.

I think my betting has gone way beyond the buzz of gambling and the numbness which takes over especially when I win or lose big is frightening, the only excitment now as scary as it sounds is when I break even from a long way down as close to financial ruin as possible. If I win or lose moderatly it does nothing for me o it really is time to stop and try to fill that time with something else.

TH

Hi TH
So sorry but while reading through I managed to hit 'flag as abusive' and don't know how to correct it...If you get a telling off it was my stupidity and fat fingers. ..you haven't been abusive at all lol

I'm only on day 2 myself after finally owning up to myself that I have a problem. I managed to quit smoking in the past and I'm hoping that focusing on the addiction and comparing things to that will help me through it.

I think if you tell your friends that you are stopping will help you...Once you get over the iitial embarrassment of saying it I think you'll find they'll support you...They will discourage you when you feel like betting and it will be someone there in the moment to say to you 'think about it you've come this far' etc. If they encourage you then they're not very good friends. You don't have to go into detail about it all...just tell them you realised you never just take a win and walk away with it so you're stopping. There's likely one or two of them at least who are in the position where they should be or are already considering stopping themselves

Day 7 all good so far, a few thoughts about odd etc on sporting events but no real feeling to act which is good, feeling very good at the moment but around every corner is temptation. Keep strong guys!

TH