CJA's Diary

Day 125.

Thank you Damo!

Not too much to add to my diary at the moment, that thought that popped into my head five days ago has not been followed by anymore, and that's the way I like it!

CJA

Day 131.

Had a bit of stress recently with too much work on and an important meeting. Feeling stressed or anxious is definitley the trigger to gamble for me as had 2-3 thoughts about doing so in the last week. No real fear I will act on them though and I am just trying to get better at dealing with any stress I have in a different way.

I should mention that I have had access to money pretty much the whole time since I stopped gambling, I never gave financial control to my partner as it just too complicated being self employed and having subcontractors to pay and bills to manage etc. So there has been good willpower, self control and determination on display.

Gambling websites are blocked on my computer, home network and I got rid of my smart phone. I think I'm going to get a phone now possibly a smart phone but I will get one that lets you install blocking software and I'll message the network to block access to sites if possible too.

Just realised I don't have a target in place at the moment so going to set one for 6 months gamble free. The date for that is Monday the 2nd of May, and that is a bank holiday. So to tie in with 6 months without a penny gambled I will plan something good to do on the day with the family.

Hope everyone here is doing well, and staying away from gambling.

CJA

Day 146.

Been a while since i posted an update - but just popping by my diary to say all is still going fine with £0.00 spent on gambling in the last 146 days.

With now just 4 days to go until 150 days and 5 months gamble free. Wow what a difference it has made. Really enjoying life again and only looking forward now.

CJA

Day 150.

Today marks 150 days / 5 months since I last placed any kind of bet, and it was the best thing I've done in a long time joining this forum and starting a diary as without it i'd never of got this far. I'm feeling really strong and healthy and even though gambling thoughts pop up very occasionally I always feel they have no chance of being put into action, as I am much better eqquiped to deal with them.

To anyone just joining the forum and reading this I can't reccomend starting a diary enough, it really will help and the benefits are great if you can leave gambling behind.

Best Wishes,

CJA

Well done on 150 days.

Best wishes

Relapsed 🙁

Need to go back to basics and start again. Why is this so hard in the long term, how does it always manage to creep back in to my life even when things are going so well?

Really sick of it now.

Sorry to here this CJA you can get it you've learnt a lot in the last six months.

In your last post you said how important your diary was but you haven't posted on it for 2 months maybe that might be key this time round.

KTF

Hi Oldham thanks for your message and encouragement.

I have started online counselling sessions with gamcare and you are right, it is time to start up my diary again. So frustrated as was in such a good position but I never seem to learn, it is just stop for a period of time and then eventually fall back into the same behaviour.

I don't seem to know how to stop for the long term but I will keep trying.

Day one.

Started to take some steps forward and arranged a first counselling session. May try a Gam anon group also but a bit apprehensive about it.

Taken a desicion to change some other things in my life. The triangle worked to an extent before with access to money, but being self employed and working alone I always had time where I could gamble. I am looking for a full time job that will keep me busy and hopefully be more fulfiling than what I am currently doing.

Hi CJA Gamanon is the side of GA that supports the families of compulsive gamblers you would need to attend a GA meeting you can find your nearest meeting on the Gamblers anonymous website

Thanks Oldham. Do you find the meetings work for you? I think it could be good for me it is just goign to the first one that is the challenge 😀

First councelling session booked for next week. Obviously not expecting it to work miracles but I've got to find the strength to stop and stay stopped from somewhere and throw even more effort at staying stopped for good than I did previously when I manged to go from the start of November to the middle of April without gambling at all. Can't belive how great the 6 months gamble free were and it came back worse than ever from no where. I'm just devastated right now. It's so hard to take when you make the same mistake over again and I don't understand the reasons beanth all this and what is making me do it time and again.

Day 2.

A gambling free day. Going to start out small concentrating on one day at a time again, but ultimately would like to get to the end of this year gamble free. That would mean the majority of 2016 has been spent without gambling in my life and maybe with all the new changes I am trying I am hopeful I can make it into years without gambling and not months.

Around 10 days now without any gambling ... getting back on track.

Hi CJA

Just seen your question about GA and yes I find it massively useful. It's hard to explain why it works I think it's just the fact you are in a room of compulsive gamblers and while all of us are different we are all very similar. The support is very much like here and most rooms have a wealth of experience who have done what you have.

Getting the courage to walk through them doors isn't easy nearly everyone I have spoke to had second thoughts and nearly turned round I know I did but now I always say it was the best gamble I ever took.

Day@atime has done a very informative thread on the overcoming section I will bump it up for you.

Well done on making 10 days but you need to Get back to posting more especially early on post good and bad it's good to get it out.

KTF