CJA's Diary

Day 75.

Thanks Alan for your post and support! Really appreciate it.

Since I last posted things got easier again been snowed under with work and family commitments so no urges and feeling good.

However today just seen it is the start of the Australian open while browsing the BBC website. MASSIVE tempation and huge surge of adrenalin went through my body, first thought was to try and find a way around the blocks and get some money online and to try and find a site i'm not self excluded from. Pretty scary that 75 days in and this happens. Shows how dangerous this addiction is when it gets inside your head it stays there, probally forever 🙁

Coming on here and writing this was a good idea it has given me time to calm down a bit, hopefully I'll get thorugh today keeping myself busy and avoiding the sport pages.

CJA

Day 76.

Pleased to say no more urges and still going along without gambling in my life, 76 days and getting towards the 100 day mark which will be a really good milestone to reach.

Amazing how those days build up. Your always going to have them urges but you should take great pride the fact that 76 days in your learning to deal with them.

I've had a look back at your first post even though I read your posts as they come and I noticed you did a year a while back so you must know how good a gamble free life can. Hopefully your diary will help you get back there and beyond.

KTF

Day 82.

Thanks Oldhamktf for your post and encouragement, really appreciate it! Hope things are still going well for you too.

I'm defintley over the little wobble I had, not checked any scores or match schedules since then and the updates I have incidently caught on the radio or tv have not caused me any stress of temptation to gamble.

Feeling good from a non gambling point of view and I have no doubt that starting this diary and using the forum is the key reason for that, so thanks to everyone who contributes for making this site so good at supporting CGs.

Been pushing a bit too hard with work trying to get my debt down quicker so going to step it back a bit for the next week or two knowing I've made a good start and it will go down in time, there's no rush.

Still need to do lots more work on the underlying reasons on why I became a CG and work on becoming a more socialable person again, but without gambling there is definitley time and room in my life to work on it so things are looking a whole lot better for the future than when I started 82 days ago.

CJA

Day 85.

Nothing much to report here. No gambling and feeling happy with how things are going at the moment.

Not too far away from reaching the 100 days milestone 😀

CJA

Day 88.

Still going along nicely.

Listned to the last set of Williams v Kerber Australian Open final on the radio yesterday and just really enjoyed it without any thought of betting on it. And delighted to see Kerbs win it!

Overall I've noticed a bit of drive and ambition return into my life and started setting some targets to aim for. My monthly income has gone up by about 60% just by not wasting time and energy gambling and putting it into work instead.

So all very positive stuff. Don't see any logical reason why I would go back to gambling but we all know logic has nothing to do with it. Still avoiding the first bet at all costs.

To sum it up here is the difference in my thought process now when a (very rare) thought of gambling pops up:

Before: Trigger: See sporting event or odds. > Thought: You can make money from this (perhaps subconcious thought: f**k it life is hard work is stressful gambling is a fun escape away from reality for a while and f**k the consequnces > Action: Pile money onto said event. Result : Sometimes win, sometimes lose, either way get the thrill and buzz of the bet and continue until in a complete state, eventually chasing loses, no money left, feeling heart broken to let myself and family down.

Now: Trigger: More random, seems to come up from no where while busy doing something else > Thought: Imagine if you found a system or were more controlled, or just bet only on one very specific market you know inside out > Quickly followed by counter thought: you've already tried this so many times and failed, you cannot win, you cannot stop, you are a nightmare when gambling and lose self respect and sef control > Action: See sense because I've talked it through logically with myself, get on with doing something productive and have a happy normal life where my mood is not influenced by losing or winning money > Result: I'm actually happy and so grateful for everything I have. If I want something I work for it and feel rewarded. Getting what you want via gambling on the rare ocassions I have won big enough to buy things feels hollow and meaningless because it is all part of a lie and the truth is you could have bought those things and had more money left over if you'd never bet in the first place, plus you'd have kept your self respect, health and sanity too.

Day 90.

🙂

Not bad for someone who felt so addicted he couldn't get past day two on the first attempt after starting this diary.

For anyone reading this who is just starting out it does get a lot easier in time, just stick with it because the results are totally worth it.

CJA

Hi cja, just stopped off to say well done on reaching 90days gamble free ! Lots of effort and great result my friend ! Best wishes Alan

Just been through and read your diary CJA....its a great read thanks for sharing it all.

Really gives me hope that it can be done.
Damian

Day 104.

Thanks Damian and Alan for your support!

Well passed the 100 day milestone, not had much to mention in terms of gambling recently no urges or thoughts to bet and a very busy period with work.

Nice that I'm starting to see the debts come down, and my credit score start to creep up! Set up a goal to try and get a mortgage with my partner towards the end of the year and buy our own home. Will be tough and hard work with the wedding to pay for and some debt to clear still but a good challenge and something to aim for. I just see the improvement in the financial side of things as just a by product of living a more healthy life and fulfilling life. Money has never been my focus or of great imprtance to me, so perhaps if I can understand that it is important to look after the money you have and invest it in the future for your family then that will be half the battle won and I'll never waste another penny on gambling.

CJA

Day 109.

Everything is going really well right now. Plans for later in the year all set up.

Starting debt of around £4,000 is now £1,540 and only £500 remaining to pay off for my wedding.

Feeling quite calm and my resolution to never gamble again is still very strong. 3rd of March will be 120 days / 4 months since I last gambled and it will be interesting to look back and see how much has changed in that time.

CJA

112 days without a bet of any kind - didn't think I would make it this far after day 1! 🙂

Day 117.

Just checking into my diary to say eveything is still going well. Some nice rewards to enjoy this weekend, things that would not be possible if I was still gambling every penny I had away.

Hope everyone here is doing well.

CJA

Day 120.

First thought of gambling for a while today popped into my mind when stressed with work.

Got a bit annoyed by it but it was soon forgotton about. On a more positive note, 120 days marks 4 whole months without a single penny or moment of my time wasted on gambling. 🙂

Well done on 120 days CJA

I dont think there will ever be a time where I dont have a thought about a bet or a little look at prices bit its not acting on it that really matters.