Degenerate IX

Day 326

Crappy day. Been feeling low for a while and it has been a bad few weeks. I was watching a bit of horse racing on TV and I just tried to reopen one of my online betting accounts. I think I have started the process and it will be open again soon. I am mentally ill. Why else would I do this? So close to the latest goal, I plan to deactivate the account as soon as it has been reactivated. Sigh.

Hello degenerate,

I look at the counting of days as the number of days away from gambling. There is no number a CG can count that marks any 'end' or cure'. A year won't mean i can gamble. It won't mean i can spend what i've gained in that time. It'll just mean that i've shown the control to live with my addiction, been mindful of my actions and have lived a better year for it.

Thoughts seem normal to me no matter how far away from the last bet. You've seen sense before turning this into a problem again. Keep your head up and remember the real cost of gambling. You might have some money back by now but you won't get any further time you waste gambling back. It's not worth it but you are. Stay away and don't focus on the meaning of any 'milestone' day count.

"Don't count the days, make the days count"

All the best =)

Hi Degen,

Recovery doesn't normally have the same highs and lows as gambling does. And if you don't find things to do that you enjoy doing, that you are looking forward to doing, then with time you can feel deflated. These are the times when it would be helpful to have a chat on the Helpline or the Netline, just to look at what is making you feel low at the moment.

You are doing really well, you are not far from the year and you have worked very hard on your recovery. Try and introduce something new in to your routine. Something fun.

Wishing you strength and all the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Thanks Sjwsjw, Eva. I agree.

A year of gambling is a decent amount of time to be gambling free. I know the number of days can mean nothing especially if I start heavily gambling again the next day. I think I have mentioned earlier on in my diary (or maybe I had a Chat discussion) that I will stop counting when I reach the year mark. A year of no gambling is just a milestone I want to reach.

Day 334

Still feeling strong urges to gamble. Work is very quiet, I am not busy enough and going to the gym is getting a bit boring. Probably cos I am now dieting and not eating everything I can stuff in my face.

Keep positive, Degenerate.

You’ve done so well to get to 334 days! Give yourself a few moments to remind yourself where gambling took you and how it made you feel.

Go and make yourself a cup of tea or coffee and breathe.

You don’t need gambling in your life. You never did. Nobody on this forum does. It does nothing for us apart from eventually destroying us. You’re on this forum BECAUSE of what gambling has done for you. It’s done nothing positive. Absolutely nothing.

Many thanks DeterminedDan. I know I need to be positive. A few non-gambling problems have resulted in gambling thoughts. I need to address those problems separately. Gambling will certainly not solve my problems. Only give me something else to worry about. As you say, nothing positive will come from gambling.

Day 336

Payday 2mo. I will be strong. I opened a Savings account and plan to move any extra money into the account. Hopefully not seeing the cash in my account will mean I have less gambling urges.

Day 337

Not paid today! Nothing to worry about. Not happy though, hopefully hr will have things sorted by 2mo. I hear I am not the only person affected.

Sent home early due to weather warnings. I will likely be working from home the rest of the week. I am not exactly busy with work and the only thing in this town is a bookies. No travel means no gym. I am going to be bored out of my mind for the next few days. Need to keep busy somehow.

Day 339

Paid yesterday. No thoughts of gambling. I put a chunk of my wages in a new Savings account.

I have a large plastic cola bottle that I have been putting all my leftover change in for the past few months. I thought I had £200, hopefully £300 in coins. I counted all the coins and found out I had just over £760! 🙂 When I was gambling I never came close to filling my little piggy bank I have with coins, every coin was needed for my monthly cashflow emergency. Savings account is looking healthy already.

Next step is to sell some things on eBay. Should keep me busy while I am snowed in. Barely been out the house the last few days.

Hi degenerate wow! 339 days! That’s brilliant I hope I get there too especially not having any thoughts of gambling when it’s payday, I’ve been wobbling all over since pay day but keep coming on here. Really pleased for you best of wishes Lulu x

Ah its too cold to even walk to the bookmakers even when I have nothing else on. I am still wobbling, still feeling a bit resigned to gambling again when I get past the year mark. Hopefully, I will feel more positive when I am busy again. Many thanks for your comment.

Hiya lol yes it is too cold. I think you’ll surprise yourself and get past that one year, I’ve not read all your diary but you know how to stay gf what’s 12 months a year two three ? It’s each and every day we are gf that gives us our lives back surely and I’ve just started getting my head round I can never gamble again and will always have wobbles. Wish you all the best Lulu x

Day 340

Stuck in the house on a Saturday. Pleased there is no racing on TV but I shouldnt be even checking to find out.

I was all set to head out to town today after a week of being stuck in the house cos of the snow but I have a cold. Hoping it doesnt last long, I do feel better than I was first thing this morning. I have been using the gym to combat my gambling but I have not been in the gym for a whole week.

On Day 326 I said I had started the process of reopening an account. Just found out I am PERMANANTLY banned from ever reopening an account with *** and BF. I am sure you can guess who these bookmakers are. A bit surprised I went for permanant exclusion but its only a good thing. Blocks are in place. 🙂

Well done Day, you're doing great!

Hope to catch up in chat soon (when it reopens)

Take care & keep making the right choice!

Xx

Looking forward to Chat being up and running again.

Day 347

Struggling with Flu for the past week. No work, no gym and I have cabin fever after being stuck in the house for a couple of weeks. The worst appears to be over and I am able to concentrate on a bit of TV now. Watching Football and Rugby and trying to ignore the gambling adverts. I am aware in the back of my mind that Cheltenham is very close.