Degenerate IX

Day 42

Seems toothache stops me from thinking of gambling. Unfortunately, I want to pull most of my teeth out with pliers to stop the pain. Unable to concentrate on anything nevermind choosing a horse from the latest form guide.

Beem there, told the Doctor that seen me in A&e on New Years Eve in 2010 to put me out of my misery, I was willing to die because of the pain. Get them seem to, asap.. putting some good karma out there for a job for you x

Thanks for the karma. Toothache pain is horrendous. Thanks to Nannais recommendation in Chat I have purchased some Orajel which has helped with the pain today.

Not much sleep last night. A few short mid afternoon naps as a result.

Day 43

Weak day. I am kidding myself that I want to have a few bets on a Sport I enjoy. When I imagine gambling again I can only think of withdrawing the maximum from a cash machine and betting heavily.

Obviously I'm not a CG so wouldn't understand but why not go to the dentist for the toothache and to GA and/or GC counselling for the gambling?

CW

@CW Sorry, dentist appointment is already booked. I attend counselling via Gamcare. Thanks

Day 44

Why is this difficult? Every time I gamble I end up in a financial mess.

Day 45

I received another delay on my potential job offer. I need to wait another week. Sigh.

Saw some race form in the paper. Fancied a certain horse as I believed it won for me on that course in the past. I really considered going and having a bet. Closest I have come to having a bet in the past 44 days. I watched the build up to the race and decided there was many horses that had a chance and the race was a lottery. I was glad I did not have a bet. Luckily, my selection was then unplaced.

Holiday plans have been cancelled. Sigh again.

I now have some extra money. I need to think of a Day 50 reward. I am getting close. If I gamble I will lose all my available cash and start using CCs. I will not be stupid to think history will not repeat itself.

There will be another time for a holiday, and then you will enjoy it.

For now, take some wise advice, stop looking in the paper at horses that your not going to put a bet on. Take up crochet, knitting, baking, sky diving. But stop reading the racing pages of the paper....lecture over 🙂

If the job is meant for you, it won't go by you. You will have a life Degen, a good life, and gambling is not the answer to it....I firmly believe that, sat here tonight.

Take care of you.

Julie x

Hi pal... we're on edition 9 and I'm probably on a similar number... when it gets to 2 or 3 an alarm should go off! At edition 9 we're in a bad spot as relapsing has become the norm so failing again doesn't seem so much different at number 7 and number 8. There comes a point when it needs to stop and we need to decide if that's 9, 19, 99 or 999. It will have to stop one day. So let's make it today. Stop reading the horse form please! You're making me nervous. Well done on 45 days but it's pointless if tomorrow is Day 0. Keep the faith.

Weekend was good. No wandering in bookmakers. Missed all TV races and was not tempted to gamble. I prepared well. No carrying cash, kept busy and felt a bit better about things. I have been struggling for a few too many days in a row.

@Julie I am afraid of heights but sky diving looks the most promising of those potential hobbies.

@Change Diary no9 does highlight past failures. I know I should not look at horse form. Fortunately, I have not missed out on any winners.

Day 48

Still not heard anything back regarding the progress of my job applications. I was expecting to get news from one of them today. After I gave the agent a nudge, I immediately went straight on to a bookmakers website to look at form. Bad news does not mean I have an excuse to gamble!

Day 49

Yesterday, I had some cancelled holiday money in the house that needed to be taken to the bank. I passed many, many bookmakers on the way and I even managed not to look in my regular bookmakers to see who was in. However, at last possible opportunity I went into bookmakers next to the bank. Not a bookmaker I regularly attend and I was not tempted when I was in there. I just glanced at the screens for a few seconds before leaving. Do not know why I did it. I guess I got a kick out of being in bookmakers with a wad of cash in pocket. Money is now in the bank where its safer and I will no longer be tempted to use it when I am struggling.

Day 50

Quiet day. I might go swimming later.

Car getting some replacement parts at Manufacturers tomorrow and I will need to keep busy for a whole day before I can return home. I will buy a Day 50 reward tomorrow. I might need a few treats to keep busy and away from the bookmakers.

Hi degenerate

Just wanted to say a big well done on your 50 day milestone. I certainly do hope that you are going to reward yourself with something nice.

Have a lovely day.

Our Lady

Big up for day 50!!! Ref day 49 sometimes these kind of light bulb moments reassure us further that we are making progress. Just down the road from work there are 2 bookmakers and I often see people hurry in and some coming out looking pained and upset. I mainly have a problem with online but in the past have chased my loses on fobts and easily thrown away 50-100 a go, am so glad that is over. Here's to another 50 days and a GF week take care S 🙂