Deleted,no moaning just action to be the best person i can be

Day 5 ,woke up feeling for the first time in along time feeling confident and focussed, also actually looked in the mirror and said to myself you have so much potential, and I actually meant it.

4 days untill payday, coping with the hunger better and will get some shopping today.

Onwards and upwards

My heart bleeds for you...I can't bear the thought of people going hungry 🙁

But I'm so pleased to hear you in a positive mood & I'm very excited to hear that I will have a walk on part in your acceptance speech although quite honestly it's a real honour that you have even considered it 🙂 You DO have potential & I know that because you are still here fighting, still pushing on with your studies & no matter how many times you get knocked down you haven't lost your focus.

I hope you found the strength to swing the hoover around this morning & come home to a feeling of calm this evening for a sensible amount of brain food.

Don't be too hard on yourself & stay strong - ODAAT

Hey ODATT again ty so so much for your support, remember at those prize presentations you will need to wear a swanky dress and I do warn you I look rather dashing in a suit:)

So today my house mate gave me £80 towards a bill I am going to pay tuesday the massive gas bill so what did I do?

Used ВЈ20 to buy loads of food happy happy days, so will just pay an extra ВЈ20 on top of my share on tuesday and have put the other £60 in the bank untill i withdraw it on tuedsay to pay the rest of the bill when i get paid and my other house mates give me their share.

So awfully happy, no gambling urges more than enough food untill payday and no need to buy anything else.
Also did not hoover as i got up late but its the first thing i will do when i get home.

So overall a happy positive day.

Hoovering done,room is neat and in order laundry is on, have eaten
Happy days

Day6
No urges or thoughts of gambling.

Finally feel after along time my focus and enthuiasam to get things done is really on point.

Very productive day yesterday,got my list of projects i want to do over the summer during my academic break done.

My final and most important exam is june 9th and by passing that i move on to my next academic year.

When my mind is foggy I self doubt, but after putting myself through so much suffering, my mind has finally cleared.

So there is no I hope I pass or I will try and pass.
I WILL PASS AND I KNOW I WILL, because when my mind is good there is nothing i can not do

Wow, a mention & an invite...Look @ you going all out you crazy cat 🙂 & I don't doubt for one minute that you cut a fine figure in a suit 🙂 Remember, anything we wear with confidence makes us look great 🙂

What incredible progress from just a few days ago 🙂 It really is music to my ears to see a smile in your words!

Keep pushing through the rain clouds, & you WILL pass those exams.

Again ODAAT ty so so much awfully kind of you and it means so much.

Day7 no urges at all,NONE. I have had some cash but gone on food and put some in the bank.

It is payday on tuesday at usually the lead up to it is based around thoughts of how much i would like to win.
Had none of those thoughts, it has been actually the opposite,in the sense how much money can i try and save this month.
I think the main reason for the lack of urges is i remember how brutal the lack of food and hunger was.

Productivity is still on point, working on a more strategic and therefore successfull study plan.

Awfully productive day today, have not studied in a week well because of the hunger depression, but instead of being overwhelmed by that thought, I have just been thinking of it as a academic break, spent this evening creating a really effective study plan which covers the 4 areas I cover including mock papers for my final exam.

So very happy actually beaming, also payday is tuesday again no thoughts,urges, or I wish plans, it is all about eating well,doing my job well, and studying effectively and working towards my final exam on june 9th.

As always you guys are awesome and ty for everything

Hi Rob.

All sounds great from your last post. When payday comes around, just keep at the forefront of your mind, just how gambling all your money away had made you go so hungry for so long. In my darkest times, I remember having completely empty cupboards! Cupboards which were once always full to the brim with food. Glad to say that this has not been the case for a good few years now and never again I hope.

Look after yourself and look after your pay packet.

Our Lady

Hi Rob, just read your posts for the first time.
Powerful words showing the extremes of gambling and the suffering it can bring.
Just wanting to send my support and say what a great job you are now doing, concentrating on your work and studies.
I hope you can look at the experiences you have suffered as a benefit, a lesson in life. An experience which you can call upon when needing to show empathy and understanding.
Keep focused, you are so fortunate to have the ability to study. Kick gambling back where it belongs, into the gutter. It sounds like you have the makings of a wonderful future, don't let gambling ruin it. You're worth so much more. x

Thank you so much for the kind words it really means so much.

Day8 still have money for food,no gambling urges whatsoever.

So as my final exam is looming, I have made the decision to cut down my work hours from 6 days a week to 5days so that will give me 2 full study days, plus my evening sessions.
I know this will mean I will lose about £200ish in overtime per month but it is just for 9 weeks, I am fine with this as even after rent and bills I will have more than enough money for the month.
I would rather lose this money and know that I will be less tired and more productive in my studies.
I am happy with my choice because it is sacrificing for such a positive outcome.

Day9
Really tough day today.
One problem I have is when I suffer a knock or set back then my mind foggs over and I go back to self destruct.
So yesterday had problems with my teeth I know I have to have 3 taken out and have this massive anxiety about the anesthetic but thats by the by.
So made a appointment with dentist for tomorrow to get a referal to hospital to get them pulled out.

But woke up today and all the worries about it comes back.
Plus payday today as i was feeling down the urge came back so so strong, I really had to battle to fight.
So i rationalised it as If I gamble I will be awfull, I wont go to the appointment becuase I would probably have gambled it all, the teeth problem will not go away.
My logic finally broke through,
I have broken down my worries in to sections in the sense, well I cant worry about that untill i go, if i am that anxious they can sedate me etc.

Plus Later when I get home I will study.

So day9 gamble free, hard stuggle but very proud of myself

Just to let you know In my study year I have 8 written papers that combined total 100% and 1 final exam that totals 100% to pass my year I need min 40% total of the 8 papers and min 40% final exam.

I have just received my marked paper for paper 6 and I now am over the pass mark, I can not tell you how happy Iam right now and that added with the fact that i fought and did not gamble, just has made my face beam with happiness and proudness

Hi Rob.

Well done you for all of the above! You really do deserve to give yourself a big pat on the back! If I was there, I would do it for you! So pleased you rode that gambling urge - you keep tight hold of your hard earned money. Remember how bad you felt without any food the last few days! Anyway, today is a positive day and I think you should treat yourself with something really nice to eat and enjoy - no matter how small.

Look after yourself, be kind to yourself too and everything will fall nicely into place.

Our Lady

Whoop whoop - Double celebration!!!
I'll stand in line behind Our Lady to give you a well-deserved pat on the back!!
Fantastic that you found a coping strategy in dealing with your worries and anxiety - well done!
Try to make as many changes as you can so that when the urges strike it's impossible for you to gamble.
Sit back, admire your bank balance. Don't throw your hard earned cash down the drain - it's yours to enjoy!!! x