Setting Myself Free

Yeah the ‘wins’ just set you up for a fall further down the line. I’ve turned small deposits into large figures in the past yet never do anything with the money other than gamble it all away. Then I’d continue to empty my remaining bank balance and exhaust any means of borrowing or lying to get more tokens to ‘play’ with. Gambling has put a block inbetween me and any kind of personal progression. It’s reduced to me to tears before and left me feeling worthless for relatively long periods of time. You’ve got to ask yourself why you would want anything to do such a thing. It’s a mugs game, and I got played.

“Anything that comes easy isn’t worth having.”

I’d also again like to thank everyone who has been kind enough to pop in & encourage anyone whos just been reading to introduce themselves even if it’s just a few words.

The reason why I’m saying this is is because I feel like this diary is going to be central to my recovery. I’m going remain active and try to post quite frequently, anyway I should probably be getting to bed as I do need to be up at 7AM tomorrow for another long day at work, goodnight all, stay strong.

Progress wrote:

Thanks for your words of encouragement Matt & Jack and yes that 100 day milestone is oh so appealing, I can’t let my focus waver. I’ve done a few months before and know that things begin to fall back into place, I really do want a gamble free life now. 1 week GF tomorrow and hopefully the 1st of many. I need to have a little patience and allow myself time to think about how I’m going to make ends meet. I have payday loans due left right and centre at the start of April. It’s not the end of the world but it will seem like it is if I return to this nasty addiction, my resolve is strong again after visiting this site, long may it continue.

I am currently complaining to Payday loan companies.....see this link it may help

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5289150#topofpage

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Big thanks guys really helpful comments and yes PA I really am up for this, even the idea of flirting with gambling makes me sick right now. Nothing in this life is free + gambling is incapable of providing true fulfilment.

1 week GF, I’m 23 soon and want gambling to be something which held me back in my early adulthood but stopped there. That chapter of my life wasn’t rosy but you can’t expect every phase of your life to be problem free.

Great diary mate. Good to see you around the site helping others too. We all have something to learn off of each other.

Well done on 1 week gf. You have the chance to get this under control at an early age which is great.

All the best.

Cheers guys just saw an add for the upcoming international friendly on my bloody messenger app of all the places >.< naturally brings backs negative thoughts, man the disappointment gambling inevitably brings in the end always hurts. Anyway I have no real interest in internationals/football in general anymore. I hope to be able to watch the NBA playoffs without placing a bet this year, that’s a future goal.

Anyway I secured a slight pay rise today and that will help me scrape the payday loans at the start of April and I’ll go from there.

Checked my bank today as I get paid weekly and have spotted a 30 quid payment to mysterious company called rankmysocial.co.uk, searched it up online and heard it is a scam, I have no emails from them and no memory of willingly signing any T&C’s. This has frustrated me and I can’t contact them until Monday, I won’t lie gambling crossed my mind in order to make ‘back’ the money that I feel has been taken. I know these thoughts are ridiculous so I’ve come here to post them and be upfront with myself, I can’t gamble tonight and will sign in and try my best to make the same commitment tomorrow.

I’ve been struggling with lots of gambling thoughts as of late, trying my best to fend them off. I almost was at the point of signing up for a new site, I’m going to hand my debit card over to someone who I can trust.

+ does anyone have any news on the GAMSTOP blanket ban, wasn’t it scheduled for a 2018 spring release? Hopefully it arrives sooner rather than later and I can slam the door shut on all of this needless hassle & emotional turmoil.

Gambling really is a one way path to destruction, I’ve taken a detour and need to keep distancing myself from it all. It’s the debt that I’m in which tempts me back to the very thing which caused it, how frustrating. Been a tough couple of days but I’ll continue to battle on.

Hi Tony our paths haven’t crossed officially although I read quite a lot of posts where you have given your input . Well done on your progress so far . I’m also impressed that you are willing to get involved and support others . I think for you , that’s the secret of your success . You seem to have a leader style in your writing and wouldn’t want to just sit on the sidelines . Keep going I know it’s tough and you are not seeing the benefits fully of abstaining . Give it a few weeks and you will be amazed at how your life transforms . Another plus is that you have nipped this in the bud comparatively early in your gambling life . Don’t get to 43 like me and then realise you need to stop . It’s time I can’t get back . I’ve managed to tread water and my family haven’t gone without but I have suffered and it’s all my own doing . I’m not playing the victim card but I realise what an idiot I have been and all the unnecessary stress I have caused myself and others around me . I’m telling you this to not be self indulgent but to try and make you understand that all this can be avoided right here , right now . Do what you said and hand over your bank card , put more blocks in place (you can never have enough ) , strap yourself in and start enjoying life for what it is. Not P*****g up your money month in month out , endless cycle of misery , penniless until payday and then becoming a weekend millionaire. It’s not sustainable , healthy or assisting you in your personal development or relationship forming . I’m sure you are a guy who when you put your mind to something positive can be unstoppable . Channel it in the right , positive and rewarding things and I can categorically say right now that your life now will become a distant memory and will significantly improve beyond recognition. Looking forward to the next crossing of our paths on this site , regards Bryan

Thanks Bryan, I really need that. I must get out of the mindstate of looking for a lifelines/freebies, they don’t exist. Gambling is so addictive and destructive, it’s dominated my life for far too long. I am slightly pleased with resisting up to this point but I’ve gone longer than this in the past and crumbled so must remain cautious.

We turn into very poor versions of ourselves when we decide to gamble. We lose sight of everything, we behave in a very disappointing fashion and make extremely misguided decisions. The key seems to be gradually distancing yourself from the firing line. I see each day as a step away from the carnage that I left behind, I’m getting better at not glancing over my shoulder but the debt is the ever present reminder. I keep referencing money but I’m also aware I’ve used betting in the past as some seriously contrived way of distracting myself from my insecurities and issues, it’s some really messed up stuff. If you want peace, stability and a clear mind then gambling simply cannot be part of your psyche, it has to be thee worse lifestyle choice of them all. But Spring is here and things will get brighter if I continue to march on.

Anyone can be a gambler who doesn’t gamble . You need to work on yourself to become a non gambler . That’s the difference . Cut of the supply , self exclude , hand control of money, that’s the easy part . You then need to build your mental strength and see it for what it is . If you were a decent and composed gambler and had half a chance of being successful at it , ask yourself a question . How have you ended up here ? I think you know the answer and you can never win , you’ve proven that already . You may have stopped before but you are hopefully doing things differently this time

Yeah I’ve relapsed multiple times before, each time the process is tiresome, robotic and doesn't provide any sense of enjoyment. I’ve known for a very long time that gambling is harming me but I was reluctant to fully let it go as it filled some sort of void. It added some sense of excitement to my life and was a way to escape literally everything. I used to believe I was good at betting, I have wide knowledge of sports and can see turning points within games and make well timed wagers. That’s all very well and you’d expect to be able to read odds and such after spending a vast amount of time watching them change over four years. Anyway it doesn’t mater and is all essentially nonsense. I’m not good, you can’t be skilled at risking cash, no figure is ever enough, especially when you’re addicted. Even after the occasional hot streak i’d be throwing ‘winnings’ away on Chinese ping pong at 4AM just so I could continue to be engaged in the act of gambling.

All of it is futile, it will never end pleasantly.

Good day at work today, slowly getting enough money together to clear a few payday loans which will be some weight lifted of my shoulders.

2 weeks GF tomorrow, really want that figure to be a lot higher but will have to be patient, the days fly by if you let them in a sense.