Stopping

Hi Diary, Day 4, wishing I was where Suzanne is at - 2 years gamble free. At the moment I have no urges(I know they will come),its just the pain inside me that is telling me I have lost my lifetime's savings to gambling, the exaperation of what I could have done with those savings, especially how it holds back my partner from enjoying life in her prime, before old age arrives. The fact I will never be able to replace those savings (to help my son's with their impending weddings), hurts so much, the best I can expect to save is a moderate £200 per month, as I am in my late fifties, there's not going to be much going into the pension pot. Anybody on here (and I suspect many men of my age go down the gambling route, because of boredom and lonliness)who is looking around at an early stage of gambling issues, take heed, it can take you to terrible places. I wish I had heeded advice on here year's ago. Anyway this is what my diary is for, to take the thoughts from my head and progress on a daily basis. As Suzanne says 'baby steps - a day at a time) - Paul

Hey Paul, thanks for your lovely message today,

Listen it really is one day st a time, every time you gamble now you will get lower and lower, there will be no other outcome.

but every day you abstain and maintain you will get higher and higher, OK be it small baby steps, but this is the only way you will win, I know you feel like you can't tell your OH about all this, but honestly Paul, this horrible addiction does thrive on secrecy and lies, and it craftily gives you false hope to make you think you can win at least some of it back, it lies through the teeth, the only way to win now is to abstain and maintain. I wished you could tell your partner, because your journey would then be sooo much easier, yes it's a risk we take, but jeez Paul, the risk of telling your partner is better by 100% than the risk of not,

Understand your choice, but please think about it, your future is at stake now, and if you continue to slip she will find out, you know that, at least think about it my friend, that would be a big step forward for you and for your partner too.

Take care and keep safe

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Paul ((((PAUL)))) I know you will find the way, and it will be your own way.

Have had a lovely day, actually treated myself lol, and did not feel guilty, homemade beef casserole for dinner with new potatoes

Cauliflower and whole runner beans, and lemon cheesecake for desert. now chilling with a very large voddy and orange .

Enjoy your evening and don't worry about what you can't change, and don't worry about tomorrow, just concentrate on today for now, when you think about it we can never change the past and we have no clue about the future, today is what matters,

Take care and keep safe

Suzanne xxx

Morning Diary Day 5, every morning awake at 5 a.m., anguish running through my body, my mind playing over and over the losses taken, the attempts to stop not successful, advice given not heeded. Sunday was the last gambling day for me I hope, I don't miss the spin of the wheel, I will miss the wasted funds with what I could have done so much, so much more for my family. It's a really sickening feeling when you come to the re-alisation that a/ its not coming back and b/ you cannot gamble a little because you cannot stop once you start. This site and the stories on here are just about holding me together, I am at work, looking very down though. Can I get through this depression and move on with my life, I hope so. If you are here on Gamcare to-day and suffering, you are not alone in the suffering. - Paul

Well done Paul on 5 hard days.

Have a calm and safe weekend.

Suzanne xxx

Hello diary, the end of another bank holiday week-end. Did I enjoy it? a little, my partner makes me happy. I am happy ? No not really, the sum of 7 years of gambling equates to £K125 in losses when I only earned in that period £K68 net. How does one's mind deal with those sort of sums? I have spent my life working pretty hard for now pretty much nothing. My own fault, the FOTB machines were there, I did not have to play them. I did not have to play on-line roulette, I guess I did not like losing hard earned money to an unfair fixed capitalistic system. I hope i meet the designer of these robbing machines in the next life, I have some questions to ask them. They say vent your feelings in your diary, I am doing that tonight. Hope you are sleeping well all the CO's of our major gambling companies.

Good to see you venting, :)) and that you had a good gambling free weekend.

Paul, it's not that hard to just let that money go, once you do, you honestly will feel so much better, it's only money after all, you have your health, you have a loving partner, and you have a future, that can be 100% gamblng free:))

Draw that Lind on your losses. Move forwards, you will soon save money again, when it does not go on gambling.

Think positive my friend and have a good gamblng free day.

Suzanne xxx

Just sent you the biggest bottle I can find Paul:)))

Have a good gambling free evening.

Suzanne xxx

Drank the bottle last night Suzanne, it's giving me the strength to stop gambling, but I feel really low, ill I am that low. Even the sunshine is not perking me up. That what gambling losses do to you. Off home for a sleep and some more of your courage in a bottle Suzanne.

Hey you are going to feel low Paul, because you are grieving in a way and dare I say maybe still in denial with your losses,

Draw a line now for once and all, you don't want to gamble anymore, you know you will never get that money back, you know if you gamble again, you will lose even sooo much more.You know all this my friend, take a deep breath draw that final black line, and start living again, honestly Paul life is soo much simpler and enjoyable without that addiction controlling us.

This is your time is now to start living and putting a genuine smile on your face, hard I know but appreciate what you still have got, and hold on tight to it, that's what I started thinking, mindset dear friend

Sending you an even bigger bottle tonight Paul, because you are soo much it,

Take care

Suzanne xxx

Lost my life wrote:

Hello diary, the end of another bank holiday week-end. Did I enjoy it? a little, my partner makes me happy. I am happy ? No not really, the sum of 7 years of gambling equates to £K125 in losses when I only earned in that period £K68 net. How does one's mind deal with those sort of sums? I have spent my life working pretty hard for now pretty much nothing. My own fault, the FOTB machines were there, I did not have to play them. I did not have to play on-line roulette, I guess I did not like losing hard earned money to an unfair fixed capitalistic system. I hope i meet the designer of these robbing machines in the next life, I have some questions to ask them. They say vent your feelings in your diary, I am doing that tonight. Hope you are sleeping well all the CO's of our major gambling companies.

Addiction is so hard to stop LML. Getting help is also not easy. Thinking of you hon. Your not alone in this. Keep venting. Tri

PS Paul, (crikey you will be thinking not that woman again lol) the addiction is thriving on your negativity, it's really loving you at the moment, give it a kick where it hurts, then look in that mirror and give yourself a genuine smile, because you will have achieved something very big and important to you, freedom from Mr G, I know you can do this Paul, because I know you really want to, my mum used to say just wash that man right out of your hair, I I am saying to you wash Mr G right out of your hair with whatever it takes,

Suzanne xxx

I looked in the mirror and I did not like what I saw. Tired, stressed face, aching body. Can I change at 58 ? I want to - 11 days in of no gambling the actual financial scars are so tough to bear, let go let go the losses they say, I know at some point I must. No energy and it's a beautiful day, think I will sleep in the garden tonight for a while with a beer.

Hey my friend, just logged on an read your post.

Financial scars, ???? that is the addiction again talking(controlling you) yes the scars stay there, but not financial ones, mine are the ones from the S***e. I did to my OH, let alone me:)) Ditch the losses for good, I know you find this hard, but to move forwards, you have to 100% want to do this.

As you know I am still in 20K plus debt, that is not my priority scar, I can live with the debt, my scars are what I did to my OH and myself.

To be honest Paul, I don't worry one ioter about my gambling qdebt now, am on my own plan, they get paid by standing order every month, no interest has ever or will be added on, my addiction hates the fact that I have accepted my losses and the debt.

Time for you now to accept your losses, before you do get into debt.

Never in a million years will we get even an 8th back of what we have gambled(and if we include winnings put back on) Idread to think what I have spent and given to this industry, I maxed out a few times on 50000 a month, thst was my limit, jeez Paul 50000 a month, through continual feeding it, win after win after win:((

What a waste of time, my life, the money doesn't come into it now.

Forget about your losses, 11 days of actually winning for real is hard work:)) but you are not losing any more money. Think how much you could have further lost with 11 days, because to continue gambling is just a big fat 100% minus zero,

Let those losses go, think what you have now, and then look in that mirror tomorrow or the next day, /week. You will see a stronger happier person looking back at you, There is no rush with recovery, (unlike gambling) take your time, just do one day st a time, but you have to draw that black line on your losses, in order for your recovery to start:)))

Enjoy the free warm weather this evening, and now start to enjoy you.

Suzanne xxx

Hey my friend, just logged on an read your post.

Financial scars, ???? that is the addiction again talking(controlling you) yes the scars stay there, but not financial ones, mine are the ones from the S***e. I did to my OH, let alone me:)) Ditch the losses for good, I know you find this hard, but to move forwards, you have to 100% want to do this.

As you know I am still in 20K plus debt, that is not my priority scar, I can live with the debt, my scars are what I did to my OH and myself.

To be honest Paul, I don't worry one ioter about my gambling qdebt now, am on my own plan, they get paid by standing order every month, no interest has ever or will be added on, my addiction hates the fact that I have accepted my losses and the debt.

Time for you now to accept your losses, before you do get into debt.

Never in a million years will we get even an 8th back of what we have gambled(and if we include winnings put back on) Idread to think what I have spent and given to this industry, I maxed out a few times on 50000 a month, thst was my limit, jeez Paul 50000 a month, through continual feeding it, win after win after win:((

What a waste of time, my life, the money doesn't come into it now.

Forget about your losses, 11 days of actually winning for real is hard work:)) but you are not losing any more money. Think how much you could have further lost with 11 days, because to continue gambling is just a big fat 100% minus zero,

Let those losses go, think what you have now, and then look in that mirror tomorrow or the next day, /week. You will see a stronger happier person looking back at you, There is no rush with recovery, (unlike gambling) take your time, just do one day st a time, but you have to draw that black line on your losses, in order for your recovery to start:)))

Enjoy the free warm weather this evening, and now start to enjoy you.

Suzanne xxx