CJA's Diary

Day 34 - and life continues to be so much better living in the real world and out of the fantasy land of online gambling.

Thanks for that post CJA. I'm gathering some momentum now. I understand exactly what your saying. I think I'm getting close to that determination you are showing. I find the first period after a relapse relatively straightforward but the middle period is tough as I've been away from it long enough to want another taste. I just need to remember that it tastes like dog s###. Staying on here each and every day is going to help me. Last time I felt I got addicted to here but here is much much better than gambling so id now welcome that addiction.

Yes Change, i know what you mean about the forum being addictive, I spent several hours per day here in the first week just to get me through!

This week i've been neglecting my diary and not been able to read here at all, been so busy with work and life in general.

Pleased to report no gambling at all or even any thoughts of it.

Now on day 38!

Day 40.

No gambling, so busy atm can't wait for Christmas for a break!

Day 42.

Still going strong, little thought about gambling did pop into my mind from no where this afternoon and caught me by suprise! Just had a chuckle to myself and thought no chance!

Days seem to be flying by now, at start found it so difficult but for anyone who is just starting out, stick with it - becomes a lot easy after a few weeks.

Day 44.

Nothing much to report here, still happily getting along without gambling... not long till Christmas Eve and then it will be 50 days since I last placed a bet, that will feel pretty good!

Day 46.

46 days without any gambling of any sort! I have to say I'm not missing it at all and the urges are hardly there at all and easy to dismiss...at the moment at least. Just enjoying my life and family more, I guess I have been working a lot too which is a good thing but I need to be slightly cautious that I don't overdo that. I would definitley class my dad as a workoholic and I've been similar at times in the past... just need to maintain a healthy balance.

Not planning to become complacent on my abstinence from gambling either, as I have read on this forum many people further down the line than me have slipped.

I think maybe all the times in the past I have half heartdly given up and all the mistakes made are counting for something now...maybe giving up for good just takes a little bit of experience and a bit more wisdom.

Well I got a few invoices paid into my bank account over the last few days and had quite a nice sum of money... now I just got a few hundred left 🙁

...as I paid next months bills, some onto debts and then rest of my Christmas shopping expenses 🙂

Day 49 today without a bet and it has flown by. Time to keep moving forward now and keep all the blocks in place for the forseable future as they are really working for me as is my new mindset in accepting I am a compulsive gambler and always will be. My life long mission now will always be to avoid the first bet.

Next major target in terms of days and a milestone is 422 days as that will mean I have completed the whole of 2016 without gambling a penny.

Just a thought, I'm likely to get a Lottery scratch card off some relatives as I do at Christmas every year... I'm commited to not gambling on anything of any sort as I was definitley addicted to that buzz of anticipation and adrenalin and anything that brings that on should be complety avoided IMO, so will give this away to someone else, or throw it away.

I said I would have a reward for day 50 and I'm going to keep it simple and take it a day early, it's a gorgeous still, mild and bright day here and I've not been out for a round of golf since I started writing here and begining a recovery. So today is the day...

Tomorrow will be the biggest reward of all, a day with my son and fiance, a carol service and a nice rest, meal and glass of wine knowing that I have worked hard and fully deserve it.

Merry Christmas everyone!

CJA

Just checking into my diary on day 54 without a penny gambled.

Was given a fair amount of money for Christmas plus already had money in the bank, and it has just not even crossed my mind to gamble with it. Have no interest in it what so ever!

Seeing all the bookies adverts on boxing day and all the emails for casinos that made it into my junk folder over the christmas period just makes me feel sick and think of all the people that are getting sucked into that horrible cycle that I lived in for so long, I really wish there was somehing we could do to stop it happening to others but I guess it is an illness that lives inside you and the only person that can stop it is the individual in question.

CJA

Thanks so much Change, Christmas Eve was a great day.

Day 57.

I'm delighted to be ending 2015 with 57 days without a penny spent on gambling and a whole new outlook on life, and out of the self created cycle of chasing and despair.

Hope I will continue this all the way through 2016 and beyond.

All the best to everyone reading this post, I hope you find the strength and desire to abstain from the destructive act of gambling today and going forward into next year.

It is simple really, continue to tell yourself you can not win because you can not stop, keep blocks in place and the gambling triangle broken, make yourself busy and take it one day at a time. It gets easier as the days pass and you realise how much better life is without gambling and what you've been missing out on all these years.

Best wishes,

CJA

Day 60.

Another few great days with lots of good family time that would not have happened to the same extent a couple of months ago. I would have made excuses to get out of certain things to make time to gamble. If i was out I'd always have my phone and my mind elsewhere checking results. Makes me feel quite ill to think about it looking back on that kind of behaviour. I can forgive myself because I know life is hard sometimes and it is easy to loose your way. Once you're in the gambling cycle it is so hard to break and relealise what is happening to you. The problems become of your own making and the only way to fix it is to stop. Accept the losses and move on.

Today after just two months gamble free my finances are already healthier my debt has been reduced, my work life balance is better as I don't need to work long hours to make up for losses, my mental state of mind and moods are way better and my relationships much more rewarding because I am putting more in, and getting more out in return.

CJA

Day 63.

Bit of a suprise this morning and a strong urge hit me as I was reading some other diaries on this site.

I remembered the Australian open starts in a couple of weeks and tennis was always my favourite thing to bet on.

Suddenly I remembered all the feelings, the rush of adrenalin and anticipation that comes with depositing and placing hundreds of pounds on a match, and checking out all the mach schedules and player form. There is no doubt that that buzz is the addictive thing for me, however I feel like I have enough experience now to know how harmful it is and that I can't control gambling once I start.

Keeping all blocks in place and keeping things simple, avoid the first bet at all costs!

CJA

Day 64.

No gambling and no more thoughts of it in my mind, which is very good. It's January so time to get started getting healthy and losing some weight as I'm getting married later this year.

Gambling invaded my life and affected things I used to do such as healthy eating, exercise and sports. No time for all that when you are gambling for hours every day!

Even though I'm still in reasonable shape, I work on a desk so need to pick up the exercise again and cut back the junk food.

Another challenge to run alongside giving up gambling for good! Hoping I can succeed at both this year.

CJA

Day 66.

No gambling! truley on a roll! Had a tough few days for various reasons and normally would have used gambling as a way to escape and distract me but felt strong enough to know it was not the solution and would acheive nothing.

Edging closer to 100 days slowly but surely. Come on!

CJA

Hi CJA, Just a quick pop by,. to say well done on working through your tough day's without giving in. Been through a few of those myself lately and it's always good when you come out the other side unscaithed .

Have a great day fella !