Not much has changed in 6 years.

That's a day done. Pleased with that.

So the weekend passed and not gambled. Still unhappy with the financial loss on Thursday, however, really pleased with the city wide self exclusion I have done. It makes me feel safe during this period where you think you can win money back! Obviously that wouldnt happen. Added about three months worth of payments to my debts but I should be debt free in 3 years. Thats no time at all really. Onwards and upwards.

And another couple of days gone. Had a tricky few days at work this week but the self exclusion has really helped. Still got the thoughts of the money that I have lost and the debt I have go into but some of that will be paid off tomorrow so that is a positive. I last gambled last Thursday, felt terrible picking my boy up after that and really want to never feel like that again. Will post at the weekend. Have a great day all and if you go in the bookies to gamble, self exclude, it is the only way in my opinion.

A quick check in. Still not gambled. I should have self excluded earlier, Just to confirm how easy it is. A phone call and a couple of pics that you can take on your phone. It is that easy! All the best everyone.

I am just checking in, still not gambled. I honestly didnt think that the gut wrenching feeling of a couple of weeks ago would pass, it has and once again I must say that the self exclusion thing is the reason. I am not being cocky and thinking that I have this beat because I dont, but today I feel good and it has to be because I havent gambled. More challenges to come no doubt. Two weeks today I fed £490 into a machine, I wont today.

I genuinely do not know where to start. I am in the biggest mess I have ever been in and mentally the worst state ever. Trying to take anything positive out of the last 24 hours is impossible. Basically yesterday for some reason I was determined to gamble. I have no idea how I missed it but I had a credit card at work without the number scratched off. The rest is crazy. 2500 later and I am in bits. I could cry, shout, I don't know what. I haven't gone to work today. Got to pick my boy up in a minute. I now owe 10,000 when on Monday I owed 7,500. I am broken. Help.

Hi, turn a negative into a positive - make that the last £2500 you ever gamble. Stop giving your money away and start putting it to better use. Follow the advise given and when something isn't working try something else.

Start the fight again, good luck!

Hi G-Doggy - have read all your diary and although I feel for you have to suggest you get some professional help. You have done all you can yourself but it isn't enough. The situation is redeemable but you can't keep losing money like this, nobody can. I will tell you now, if you had won it all back you would still lose it all again, people always do as it is very difficult to stop while on a winning run. Please think about calling the helpline as i am sure they will be a great source of help. Best wishes and go on, give them a call buddy. Dave

Thanks for the reply. Been on the helpline today. Emailed for councelling and have no more credit cards with numbers on the back. Basic error cost me a fortune. Cannot be trusted

The dust is settling on the worst gambling episode I have ever had. This was my rock bottom. I now have to transfer the credit card over to zero % and see that 125 in cash withdrawal fees has been added. My fault and another reminder of how reckless I have been. I am off work sick today. I have a job where mentally I couldn't cope today. I will lick my wounds, work hard and pay back this amount. I've got a lot of life to live and this amount and episode will not take over, I will never forget what I have done but believe me when I say it will not consume me. Good luck all. I've been rock bottom but from today I am on my way up.

Sat in my garden. Wife out boy in bed and peaceful. Not gambled today. Realising it was never about the money. How could it have been! It was the feeling I wanted, never ever thought like this! Cost me a lot to realise it wasn't money I was chasing but a feeling! A fake feeling at that. Hoping this will help with blocks and other help to be my last slip.

Hi G-doggy

Of course, never about the money.

When are you going to open up? I can see you've had many diaries and have been trying to stop since 2010.

You've had periods of enlightenment. You've had many brutal loses. You have counselling, it seems to stop.

The two constants: secrecy and relapse.

Give yourself a break.

The secrecy holds you back.

Best wishes

Louis

I know you are right and this sounds like another excuse but the amount has scared me beyond belief. I think that and the fact all my blocks are in place are going to see me progress nicely. Coming to terms with the loss now and paying a bit more every few months to clear the last ever stupid episode. I am taking a break from here for a couple of days to try to live a normal life! Be back Monday. Good weekend all.

Checking in! Back to work tomorrow, I cannot believe what this episode has done to my physical health!!! Been so ill!! Finally feeling a bit better. The debts are no longer a secret so I don't need to try to gamble to clear them (not all gambling debts) and wife knows full figure and we can reduce them together. I am a lucky man to have a supportive network, great house, family etc. What was I thinking of!! Not gambled today. It's not really an attractive option, gamble or feel physically well. Why would I do something that makes me feel so ill!

Right. Off to work. See you guys tomorrow night for a check in. Have a great day.